My Spiritual Journey

 

Bud’s Spiritual Journey

©2004 ©2012 @2022 by Bud Lemire

                                                       

                                      

My Spiritual Journey revolves around my life's journey, genealogy, Spiritual Love, and so much more. If you aren't Spiritual, you may not understand or believe it all. But believe me, I know, because I am the one who experienced it all first hand.  I jump around a bit to different time periods in my life.  They all contain some spiritual, if not even more.  

                                                  The Beginning / The Trip

I had lived in the big white house for over 37 years. It was my home throughout my life and its many changes. After my Dad passed away on March 9th 1990, I got quite active in genealogy. I lived and grew up in Escanaba Michigan, which is located in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. It was there I was born, and it was there I stayed.

I was in touch with relatives from all over the U.S., and Canada, and even France. Being of French Canadian heritage, I’ve done so much research in Quebec. It was a dream of mine to go there. And this year, 2001, they were having a big gathering up near Trois Rivieres to celebrate the 300th anniversary of the marriage of Jean-Francois LEMIRE and Francoise FOUCAULT. It was to be a big gathering, and I really wanted to be there. I wanted to meet all my LEMIRE cousins and see the area I had researched and come to know as the land where my ancestors lived.

I was the last child still living at home. I had taken care of Dad until he passed, and continued to take care of Mom. I had never taken a trip before. Never alone, or to another country. Even if it was just across the border to Canada. Some would say I lived a sheltered life. But I believe we all have a journey to take no matter where we are.

Some of my family didn’t think I’d really go on this trip. Who would take care of Mom? My sister Nancy volunteered to take care of her while I was gone, never really believing I would go. I left Escanaba on the Greyhound bus early in the morning on June 27th 2001. I was to find out later that Nancy had called Mom to find out if I was really gone. Little did I know that this trip would be the start of many changes in my life ahead.

The trip went really well and I met many cousins there. It was a long bus ride back home, and when I reached Chicago, I couldn’t find my luggage that was placed under the bus. The bus people in Chicago told me it most likely went on ahead to my destination. I tried not to worry. When I reached Escanaba, it wasn’t there either, and never did show up. In the luggage was 75 pictures I had taken up at the LEMIRE Gathering near Trois Rivieres.

Also it held all the clothes I had taken on the trip with me, except for what I was wearing. I was to find out it was just a minor loss compared to what was coming ahead.

I arrived back in Escanaba on July 4th 2001 and my brother John and his wife Terry picked me up and drove to the hospital where Mom was. Nancy told me Mom had fallen out of bed, and she wasn’t feeling quite right. They gave her something to help, but in the end they thought it best to bring her to the hospital.

There they found something growing on one of her kidneys. When I saw Mom, she gave me a big hug and said she was glad I had gone on the trip and enjoyed myself. Our family decided we were getting the run around on what was wrong with Mom. So we had her transferred up to Marquette hospital, which is about an hour north of Escanaba. Nancy stayed there to be close by when Mom needed her.

Nancy told me one day when she went in to check on Mom, a Nurse stopped her and asked her who Bud was. She told the Nurse it was her brother. The Nurse said she was up all night talking to Bud like he was in the next bed. Yet the bed was empty.

On July 20th 2001, with a final tear in her eye, she left her troubles behind and passed away into spirit. To rejoin the family and friends there.

I spent many years sleeping in my bedroom at the top of the stairs of the front hallway. But whenever I felt uncomfortable I would sleep on the living room couch. I recall many times in the past, Mom would pass me as she passed the doorway from her bedroom and see me there and know I wasn’t feeling good. At this point in time I decided, until I started feeling more comfortable with her loss, I would stay sleeping on the couch.

I remember one day I thought I would sleep in, as I had nothing planned until later in the evening anyway. There came this loud pounding on the front window and it kept pounding and pounding. So I got up to see what it was. It was a bird hitting the window, and as soon as I looked, it stopped. I found this to be a bit strange. But then again, being all alone in this house was strange too. I walked to the back door and looked out, and there looking in on the back porch rail was a chipmunk. And after I looked, it ran down the rail and off and away. As if to know it had gotten my attention and its job was done. I looked around, and there in the neighbor’s yard were two squirrels playing among themselves. They both stopped to look at me, and then they went back to playing. Somehow I felt there was a message there somewhere.

At about this time, my sister Nancy was also experiencing some strange things happening in her life. She says she’s been seeing a lot of butterflies all around her. Some would come in and out of her car. It made her think of Mom, and she wondered if maybe Mom had something to do with it. Since then, the butterfly has become a very special symbol in each of our lives.

                                                Online Love Interests

The Internet played a major role in my spiritual journey. In 1999 my computer was hooked up and through e-mail and chatrooms. I began to make contact with people all over the world. It was wonderful! I would connect with many, and help them through their life’s problems. Seemed like more and more would come to me with their problems and I could give them advice and ease their worries. My family couldn’t understand why so many people with problems would come to me. It really didn’t matter why, it just made me feel good that I was able to help them. I accepted them as they were and that was it. But there were times when I connected so deeply with someone, the feelings of love were strong. It would always hurt when one of them would close the connection we had and we’d lose touch. But I know it’s part of life. We each had our own direction to go in.

There was Dawn in 1999, who I met online. She was a teacher from Arizona who was pregnant and had not told the baby’s father she was. Later on he had found out and came around to cause her problems. One night after she had been thinking things over, she came to a decision about what she was going to do. She told me she had to let me go on with my life. It hurt me bad to break this connection we had, but I know she had been thinking it over carefully.  I'm hoping everything worked out for her and her son.  

In late 2000 there came Cyndi, from Ohio. She started out as waitress at a restaurant. Some of her stories were so real and so vivid. I was to find out later she had gone off and got married to some guy in Kentucky. Prior to this she had taken a trip to Toronto and shared a room with two other women, and some men broke in and raped the other two, but Cyndi got away. She was beaten badly, but not raped. I was online and had contact while this was happening, and I prayed very strongly for Cyndi’s safety. Later, when I found out she had gotten married, it felt like my heart had been cut in two.

The next one I met online was Kristina from the area of Vancouver, British Columbia, Canada. She lived on a ranch and had a Mother who tried to kill her, a producer who tried to rape her, cousin who died in a icy road accident, and so much more.

She was a singer who was suppose to have a CD coming out, and also a video. She sent me many songs of her voice, and she called me a few times. She later found out she had diabetes and also heart problems.

Once when I hadn’t heard from her, I had a vision just two days before the September 11th 2001 incident of the towers in New York City. In my mind I saw terrorists boarding a plane and she was there and I prayed to protect her from them. They were raping her in my vision and I was crying when I opened my eyes. Online her brother had paged me to tell me Kristina was suppose to be on one of those planes that crashed, but she was late getting out of her meeting in Boston and missed her flight. A friend of hers however did make the flight and was on it. Somehow I was never able to prove many things that happened all through my loving online relationship with Kristina, but only what I know and felt to be true.

I enjoyed my time with each, but also felt pain with these women. Not really knowing what truth was mixed with lies, as they were all on the other end of the computer. Nothing offline came through the promises that were made and never kept. I have no way of knowing what was true and what wasn’t true. Only that I gave all my heart and soul to help them through their journey of life. And that I had a spiritual journey with each of them.  I hope that by conversing with these two women, I had helped them on their journey.  

And even though it was painful, it had helped me grow stronger in spirit. I shared this with you so you’d know what lead me up to my spiritual awakening, and what I had been through before awakening.

                                                 Pal Talk

There was a chat place called Pal Talk. A place where you can go into a room and if you have a microphone, you can talk with people from all over the world. The subjects in these rooms were so varied. They had many spiritual rooms where you get a reading. Music rooms where you go and play music. They had so many to pick from, depending on what your interest was. I loved music and started off visiting them. I was also interested in the spirit world. Ever since my Dad passed away in 1990, I’ve enjoyed reading books about Spiritual Mediums who speak with those relatives of ours who have passed over into the spirit world.  I started off reading the trilogy about Medium George Anderson.  Then went on to read books by others such as James Van Praagh, John Edward, Sylvia Browne, Rosemary Altea, John Holland, and many more.  

Going into the spiritual rooms I met many spiritual friends. I had Pal Talk before my trip to Quebec. And I recall some room where someone was giving readings. She was an Australian woman named Chrissie. I use to listen to her, and she was good at what she did. She seemed to describe the people who passed for everyone she read for.

They all found her to be very accurate at what she described. It was in one such room where she was reading that I found myself. Which is no surprise, because it was my room called “Bud's Spiritual Place.” Many people would come, who were of a spiritual mind. Many times I would be up all night meeting people from all over the world.

I thought it would be nice to be read by her. I typed in that I wondered what would come through to a genealogist. She agreed to read me and see what would come through. I had my tape recorder on hand and taped the entire reading. Many various relatives came through. She also said someone was showing her that I was going away to a place I’ve never been to before, to meet many people I’ve never met before, across some water to another place. She saw a bridge and this meant over some water. Some of the things that came through I verified with my Mom at the time. Many things were accurate and had to be for me. One was a relative who said she had big feet.  One of my Mom’s Aunts had big feet, so it was her coming through.

On Pal Talk I also visited some poetry rooms and in one such poetry room, I met up with many friends. One such friend was Stella. She was from New Zealand, now living in the Netherlands. Little did I know that something would happen that would effect each of us.

But it wouldn’t happen until the night (January 14, 2002) I met up with another friend named Robi30 (Robin) from Ontario Canada. We somehow felt drawn to each other, and we’d meet up in various spiritual rooms, and chat in private messages also. It was one night on January 15th 2002 that her touch would forever change my life and awaken me to my spiritual side. She told me she’d like to try something, and she wouldn’t hurt me. I didn’t know what she was going to do, but I felt safe with her and trusted her. All of a sudden I could feel something tingling at the top of my head, then I could feel something throughout different parts of my body. As I followed what she was typing on screen, she described exactly where she was feeling me and asked if I could feel her there. As she went through each part of me, touching me. When she was done, the feelings were gone. I asked her what she had done. She said she saw I had the gift of spirit and she enhanced my gift by making the flame higher. Her spirit had entered me and touched the places that needed to be enhanced. Afterwards she told me to hold out my right hand.  As I did, I could feel the warm air there. She said her spirit was there. Then she asked me to hold out my left hand, I could feel her spirit there. Years later she said she saw I was lonely and sad, and she knew my gift needed to be felt by others.

It was two days later (January 16, 2002) that I was to experience something very wonderful. I met up with my friend Stella, and we began chatting and sharing life experiences. She started telling me about her childhood, playing in the streams and having fun. As she was telling me this, I had a vision. I saw this beautiful woman with long dark hair bathing in a stream. She was naked and I was off to the side in the tall grass watching her. I must have made a sound, because she noticed me, and she walked slowly out of the stream and over to where I was. I could not move. She took me in her arms and the next thing that happened was so wonderful. It was something like I have never felt before. I told her what I was seeing and feeling in the vision. We shared what we were each feeling as this vision kept going. In the vision she took me in her arms and made love to me. Unlike anything I had ever experienced up to that point. Not as you would think as human love, but two energies entwined together as one. We each kept floating higher and higher as this was happening. Our physical bodies were feeling the effects of everything that was going on. We kept floating higher and higher with this feeling, and it kept getting stronger and stronger. She said we must be so high, we must be very close to Heaven. I couldn't have agreed more with her on that one. I remember after it happened, she asked me “what just happened?” I told her everything. She was as amazed as I was.

We went on to explore many aspects of our spiritual connection. We explored the voice. One time I found her humming along with the song she was playing, and I asked her to do it again. I found myself very strongly floating from her voice and her humming with the music. I told her I wanted her to feel what I felt. So I played a song and hummed along with it. She was amazed at the strong feeling that overcame her and made her float from my humming. She said it made her feel so good all over. It's that hum that Mothers do when they are having their babies go to sleep and they want to calm them. It was quite an experience I'll never forget.

Then there was Michelle from Maine. She sent me a Private Message when I visited a Genealogy room on Pal Talk and we became very close. I could feel her energy all through me. Whenever she would come online, I could feel her strongly. She wanted to call me on the phone. I recall when she did, the energy was so strong I had to change phone hands. At that very same time, she mentioned she had to change phone hands. We had the strong energy feeling going through our phone hands. I told her I did that also.

She would often have dreams about her Grandmother who had passed. She said one night her Grandmother told her she was so happy she had a friend like me. Michelle asked her who she was talking about. Her Grandmother responded, your friend Bud. Another night Michelle said she woke up suddenly and saw me sitting at the foot of her bed. She was so happy to see me and got up to go sit with me. When she got there I had disappeared.  She found someone to share her life with, and is living a happy life.

When I first started on Pal Talk I heard so many talk about feeling energies, but never really believed it could be felt the way I was experiencing it. I thought it was very strange at that time, and now here I was feeling what they were feeling then.

I was to find out since Robi touched me and enhanced my gift, miracles would happen quite often. One such incident which I found very interesting was a time when I was very low on money and really wanted to have a little spending money to go downtown with. Maybe say $5 to $10 at least, just in case I wanted to buy something. I had logged onto the internet and was going to check to see who was in the chatrooms. But as I was getting ready to chat, I was disconnected from the internet. The phone rang, and it was the Vets calling to say we had $8 leftover in our account. We had a dog named Toby, and over two years ago he had passed away. He was a special friend of mine. But that was over two years ago. Why now of all times, right after I had just wished for the money, did this happen. I found this to be quite interesting.

I also met BELLA36, who had a visit from my Mom in spirit on Sept 19, 2001, not long after Mom passed earlier this year.  "She tells me  that you should keep the afghan and rocking chair.  I see a lady with a nightgown.  Also keep the cups.  She says "I'm sorry for keeping you so long."  Mom says there'll be boxes along the way, which will mean something to me. " 

I also met at Khat_3 from Auckland, New Zealand.  On Feb 28, 2002, she said she saw me as an old spirit.  She said I am the hermit, the keeper of knowledge and wisdom.  She said "You have so much to give, people are drawn to you."  For friends, I smell roses.  "I trust you."  "You are in my heart."  

On March 1, 2002 she told me "I don't know what happened, but last night changed a lot of things for me.  I got back something I hadn't realized had left me.  When I think of you, I always end up at the water, and I feel at peace.  Very peaceful.  I must be tired.  I keep daydreaming.  Hard to Concentrate. I am married, and this friendship with you is just what I needed to bring the love back into my heart.  I haven't felt like this for so long.  It feels really good.  I see the good in people again.  The freedom to explore.  I had forgotten that people like you still exist.  But I really don't know what's happening to me.  My feelings are very strong.  They shouldn't be, but they are.   I float over to the water.  I love going to the water, it's very calming.  Swimming with the Whales.  Best form of freedom I know.  I feel a part of the ocean.  Being on the shore with the water lapping over us.  The feeling was intense.  Just before I woke this morning, I dreamt I was walking along the beach with you.  We were holding hands.  When I woke, my left hand was tingling.  It feels good to walk in the rain."  

At this point in time I decided I should stop sleeping on the couch and put my faith in miracles and know the spirits were watching over me. Too much was happening that seemed so spiritually involved in my life. So I slept in my Mom's bedroom. I was to find out that my connections to my spiritual friends online could reach across and pull at me when they needed me. I recall just lying in bed, when all of a sudden I felt a warm pressure on my chest. Like a warm presence pressing down on my body. I had this strong feeling inside that someone online needed my guidance. I got online and sure enough, there was a friend who was upset and sad and needed someone to talk to who knew what she was going through. She told me she was thinking strongly of me, and was surprised to see me. So I do know when connected, those thoughts really do effect the other.

Thoughts do make a difference!

The spirit knows no boundaries as far as distance is concerned. I recall one night when I had opened my room on Pal Talk. I called it Bud's Spiritual Place, because it gave people a chance to share spiritual things in the room.

There was someone in the room, she had a foreign accent. I was to find out she was from a small country called Slovenia. She spoke English well enough to understand. She felt drawn to me, and as I saw her on my list, I felt she had something to say to me. Her name was Misa, and she was from that place called Slovenia. She said she felt my sadness, even without me saying a word about it. She was to become a very special spiritual friend in my life at that time. her input into my life would help me make some decisions later as my journey in life continued. She could see things about people and know what was ahead in people's paths of life. She had told me much about my life at that point in time, and it helped me understand my journey and myself and how we all follow life's plan. Things became clearer to me.

One such reading came after I had known her awhile. I was at the crossroads in my life. I had just moved out of the old white house and into an apartment. I was unsure where my life was going to, or what I wanted from life. I still had an online relationship with Kristina from British Columbia, and yet I hadn't heard from her in a long time.  Back in 1999 I had met a wonderful woman named Wanda who lived in the state of Washington. We met up in a Cribbage room and we really enjoyed chatting with each other, more than playing the game. But she was engaged to be married, and even though we tried to close off our meetings there, we kept meeting back at the Cribbage site to chat. She went off and got married, and I continued to take care of my Mom until she passed on July 20th 2001. She had called me once before when she had lived in another part of Washington state. She said she found me by looking at a genealogy website and found my name and e-mail address there. But it wasn't until May of 2002 that she called me from a place in Washington called Gig Harbor. Her path had lead her down a very hard and sad journey. We then started chatting on the phone everyday for hours and hours. We lived on the phone! She sent me breads and clothes and candy through the mail. We arranged to meet in early July. She'd fly to Escanaba to spend a week with me. The week we spent together went so well and the time passed so quickly. It was wonderful! We both cried when we parted.

At that time I had a choice to make. Kristina hadn't kept in touch, and hadn't proved anything beyond promises. I wrote her a letter telling her I was done waiting and I was moving on. Not long after it was sent, she got online and paged me. She said she had heart problems and was in the hospital having surgery. I recall one night chatting with her for the last time. After I told her my plans to spend my life with Wanda, she told me she was also getting married, at Ocean Shores and then would be moving to Seattle to spend her life with someone. Seemed to me to be kind of strange that her decision would come right after I told her mine.

Getting back to my Slovenian friend Misa. She told me she could see me in a place that was in a valley(an area between mountains and hills), and that the woman I'd be with loves planting and loves dark colors. This was all true about Wanda and the area she lived in. Washington state has many mountains. Between my heart and my soul, I knew my choice to be with Wanda was the right one. Wanda had always been true and very up front with me on everything she said. And from Michigan to Washington, I could always feel her heart beating faster, and knew her love to be true. So I packed away all my boxes, and packed up my stuff and took a Greyhound bus to Gig Harbor Washington on August 1st arrived there August 3rd(2002). On November 8th 2002 we were married.

I have many stories to tell about my spiritual adventures on the internet, but I don't want to leave anyone out. But if I can, I will include as many as I can. But each and every one of them influenced me and helped me through a spiritual journey they took me to where I am now.

There came a very special friend, who touched me very deeply. I met her on Pal Talk. She went by the nickname of Yazza at the time. She lived near London England. Her spirit could touch and see things nobody else could. When we met we became instantly connected. Her voice was always so calming and cheerful. She seemed to know what people's problems were, and knew they needed to be reassured and comforted. She was an only child, and her parents had passed away long ago. Her Dad was Australian and her Mom was Native American. We played music together, and we sang songs together. We shared poetry together. We helped people together. She would often come online and send me a message and ask me to open my room because she felt someone would stop there who needed our help. I never doubted her, as she was always right.

Someone usually did stop by and needed both our help. She seemed to be able to help those who had lost children.

She and I always shared poetry. I had written three poems about life, and she responded with a response poem with her words. I call these poems part two of the ones I wrote. She gave me her permission to use them if and when I should ever put out a poetry book.

She'd often tell me I was a Healer, and she saw green all around me. She could see many things. She said someone who had passed at an early age was guiding me from the spirit world. From what she told me, it would have to be my older brother Gary who passed near birth. She also said that she saw me as a monk. She saw many things, but she said whenever she was with me, she'd see the baby's face and it would express the mood I was in. If I was sad, the baby was sad. If I was happy, the baby was smiling.

I was sitting there one night and we had just met and she had to answer the phone. I could feel she was crying. The weight of sadness crossing all the way from England to Michigan. She said she was looking out the window thinking about life. The phone call was to tell her she had cancer. She had some tough choices ahead of her. To have chemotherapy or not. She really didn't want to, but she knew in the end, it was the only way. I recall many times she would just come on Pal Talk briefly and then go off, being weak as she was. In January 2003, life had taken me away from access to Pal Talk for awhile. I returned in October of the same year. Nobody had heard from her in a long time.

One of her online friends named earthangel told me in late September she had seen all these beautiful butterflies all around her house, and it was really strange as they never came around like that all at once. Then about the same time, she spotted two doves on the roof. She didn't want to believe or accept it. I believe butterflies as being the sign of transformation, and doves being the sign of peace. These signs meant that our dear Yazza has transformed into spirit and is at peace.

Her voice is still in my ear and whenever I think of her, I feel a wonderful feeling come over me. She was very special in my life. As long as I live, I will always be thankful that she had come into my life and touched it as much as she did.

So many interesting things happened while spent time with friends on Pal Talk. One of my friends, "OutofCntrl" was her nickname. I called her Lisa, and she lived in the area of North Carolina. I found myself drawn to her, and before long as most people I am drawn to do, she opened up and told me about her painful past. We formed quite a strong bond, and would page each other every time we would be online at the same time. She’d always call me sir, and because one of Charlie Brown’s character called Charlie Brown sir, I decided to call her Marcie. I’d e-mail her my poems, and we’d chat briefly online every time we came on. I remember one night I had come online and I was in a Private Message with her, when an overwhelming feeling of sadness came over me. I started crying, and the tears ran down my face. At this point in time I was just beginning to realize that the spirit has a certain way of getting messages across. I also realized I wasn’t sad before I came on, so I must be feeling someone else. Since I was I chatting with her, I figured it was her. So I asked her if she was sad and crying. But she didn’t come right out and say it, but didn’t respond with any words that gave me a clue she was sad. I next told her to go off and have a good cry and she would have release and feel much better about herself. She went offline right away. I wasn’t to find out until the next day when she told me that she was very sad and in pain, and she went offline and had a good cry and the day after, she was feeling very much better. She thanked me for my advice.

Another friend of mine I had known from my frequent visits to the poetry room, had sent me a message. We were chatting away for awhile when all of a sudden I felt a sharp pain in my right arm and down to my hand. I had to ask her if she had pain in these areas, and she told me she had some disease that effected the muscles in her body and that what I had felt is the exact same area where most of her pain was the worst at this time.

Many times when this happens I have to figure out is it me or is it them. Did I feel this before I came online, or did I feel this when I came online. It makes all the difference. Sometimes little things will come to you, and you need to be aware. Sometimes you’ll be chatting away with someone and just know certain things about them without ever having talked about it before. Like the color of their hair, why they are feeling sad, or some other thing. The thing is to never be afraid to say something even if you feel you might be wrong. Most times I have said something, I had been right.

Books on this subject say that Like attracts Like. Meaning people who are alike attract people who are alike. And some say you can connect with others because you shared one or several past lives together before. Whatever the reason, it is amazing how it all works and just how many people you can feel and can connect to. Once you connect, the energies can be very powerful as it touches the different areas on your body called the Chakra areas. I find they come through in the heart chakra and also the crown(head) chakra. The crown chakra makes your head feel like a light band is around it, and warm air is being blown into it. Also sometimes having a feeling of a slight tingling on the top of the head. The heart chakra gives you a warm feeling of love, and sometimes makes your heart feel as though it is beating faster or harder or like there are two hearts beating together closely. Sometimes depending on the two parties involved, it can also make you sexually aroused in the private areas. This has happened a few times to me, and it sometimes means the other person is feeling lonely and desires someone, or you are lonely and desiring someone, or it is just the way the energy comes across for each. Before I was married the sexual feelings came across quite often in the connections. And while I was married they only come through now and then. When it does come through when I am in a connection with someone new, I usually tell them that it doesn’t mean you are in love with me or I am in love with them. It is just how the spiritual energy comes across. I tell them to be aware of this feeling and know it does not mean the same as it would to the desire that effects your human side.

I recall one friend in Ontario Canada who I had met in a spiritual room at Pal Talk. I first met her in a room where she was having a reading done. And I felt myself drawn to her. We’d chat whenever we would get online. Her name was Cathy. Several times she would send me a message, or I would send her one. The strong pulling we had of having to be together. All of a sudden I would be feeling aroused. And then I would actually feel I was having sex with someone….inside of someone. I could feel it unlike I have ever felt it before. She told me she could feel me also. It was amazing! She said all she had to do is think really hard on how she wanted it to feel and it would be there. Remembering that prayers are thoughts, and thought are prayers, and that they can be very powerful in the spirit world. This went on for awhile each time we met, until one time she told me her Spirit Guide told her she couldn’t be with me anymore. So we parted ways, but stayed in touch now and then. She went onto to meet a wonderful man and moved to another part of Canada.

Another time was with a friend from New York state. She was young and aroused easily. With her I felt like I was in much deeper whenever the feeling would come across. I even felt her orgasms, which I never had felt ever in my life. This was so amazing! I remember one night I was sitting there online with her, and this terrible pain came across. I was thinking maybe she was going through that time of the month. I told her it was down near that area. She said she was sorry, she had the cramps and had to use the bathroom. She went off and when she returned, the pain I was feeling was gone.

These are two of the stronger connections involving sexual feelings I have encountered. There have been many others, yet not as strong, or I have not explored sexually like these two. Whenever it comes on, I just let it pass over me for what it is, or just enjoy it until it does pass by. Always remember to enjoy the feelings for what they are, and not what they aren’t.

The connections one can have are endless. There are so many people one can connect to when they are open to the spirit, and awake to all that is happening around them. I have connected with people from many different countries. Countries like New Zealand, Australia, Canada, Slovenia, Germany, Spain, Netherlands, South Africa, England, Brazil, Turkey, Pakistan, Taiwan, Philippines (just to name a few), and all over the USA.

I’ve learned that the spirits are guiding us much more than people would think. One incident that relates to this is while my Mom was in the hospital just before she passed. My sister Nancy had gotten her a stuffed dog. Mom didn’t really want it, and thought it would be better if my niece Lori’s daughter Monét had it. This was around the first couple weeks in July 2001. Monét never got the dog, because Nancy kept it for herself, because she liked it. Mom passed away July 20th 2001.

Late April 2002 I was upstairs looking over all the stuffed animals that my cousins Karen and Brenda had sent me. I was trying to decide what I was going to do with them. I had to get rid of some of them because I was going to be moving out. I needed to have less stuff for the move. I picked up one of the dogs that Karen had sent me. I had so many stuff animals that she had sent me. This one was one I could part with because I didn’t think it was one I could love. I thought it was rather unattractive in a way. I still had the Angel dog (dog with Angel wings) that Karen had sent, and that was my favorite. As I held this dog I thought "maybe Lori’s youngest daughter Monét would like it."

I had moved out into an apartment. At the old house everyone was still figuring out what to do with everything. Lori and her daughter Monét were there checking to see if there was anything else they might want before the Estate sale came. They had gone upstairs to look around. I had not yet told anyone what I was thinking, as I had been alone in the house for so long and kept to myself on my thoughts.

When Lori and Monét came down from upstairs, Monét was holding the very same stuffed dog I had planned to give to her. She was holding it very closely and smiling and saying "puppy." Lori asked if it was okay for Monét to have it. I then told her I had planned to give her that very same dog. I shared with her the account of all that had happened leading up to this day.

I do believe that my Mom had something to do with the stuffed dog being given to Monét, and that she is watching over us and guiding us all the time.

                                               Genealogy

Being a genealogist, I was always looking through newspapers and at the obituaries for anyone passing away who was a relative of ours. One day I came across an article on a Rose OLSEN who was celebrating her 101st birthday. I noticed her maiden name was NANTELLE, a name in which I found tied in with our family on my Grandma Alma’s side of the family. Many of the NANTELLE cousins settled in the Escanaba area, and so I decided to call Rose. I called her and we had a very nice talk on the phone. She told me that my Grandma Alma, her cousin, had given her lessons to play the organ. We talked about different relatives and her parents. We closed off by saying we’d have to meet soon. She agreed to it and we ended our chat.

Bob the quadriplegic I had been taking care of for several years, knew some people who helped Rose at her house. I was given the news that the next day Rose was taken to the hospital. And two days later, she passed away. A couple days later I rode my bike up by her house, and got to meet her daughter. I handed her some papers on the relatives I had collected. She seemed somewhat interested, and said she’d be in touch.

One night I showed up at work to help Bob to bed as I usually did. He told me to look on the dining room table. There was a big bag of pictures. Bob told me that a guy who use to help Rose at her house saw all these pictures that were thrown out. Since Bob told him I was a relative of Rose’s, they figured I might be interested in looking over the pictures. And I was very interested, so I started looking them over.

I found communion pictures for my Grandma Alma and her sister Edna, and I also found a postcard style picture of my Great Grandfather Theophile DUFORD and his wife Marie MARIEN-DUFORD and Alma and Edna and others in front of the DUFORD GENERAL STORE located in Schaffer (farming community outside of Escanaba). It was small to see real closely, but I had it blown up and it turned out really well. I could see the faces much better. I wasn’t able to figure out all the other pictures, but I was happy to have found what I did. I do believe the spirits had guided them to me to have.

                                                         Dreams

Dreams are one way that the spirits come through to us in our sleep. Back in 1990 when I first started researching my ancestors, I had a dream. In this dream I was walking in the snow following some footprints. I must have been following them for quite awhile, because I was getting tired. I felt I wasn’t getting any closer to who these tracks belonged to. I noticed a log on the side of the road on the trail I was walking down, and decided to sit down and stop for a rest. I was feeling frustrated at not making any progress on finding out who these tracks belonged to. I threw my hands up in disgust! Letting my thoughts drift away, I found myself looking skyward. And there among the clouds was a woman’s face, larger than life. She smiled and it warmed my heart. I had a good feeling inside. She was smiling, and although the words weren’t spoken, I heard her tell me "don’t give up, you’re on the right track." I looked up at her and asked if she was a relative of mine. She smiled and nodded yes. I wanted to ask more questions, but I was caught up in the good feeling of being in her presence. I looked up to ask her another question, and she started fading away. I saw she was still smiling as she faded away. Then I looked around at my surroundings, and saw those tracks again. I stood up feeling totally refreshed and well rested. As I looked at those tracks, they didn’t seem to bother me as much as before. So I started on my way down the path following them.

I believe that woman in the sky was my Grandma Alma. She passed in 1937 and I was born in 1960. Although I never met her in person, our personalities are very much alike. I believe she is one of my spirit guides or Angels.

I can say since this dream, my researching on my ancestry soared. I never had any doubts or ever got frustrated and I was able to help many others with their research. 

Khat_3, my friend at Pal Talk gave me a message on my Guardian Angel who is my Grandmother Alma, on March 29, 2002

She is old, dark hair, has wisdom to share. You must start listening. You must stop fearing fear, or it will take you over. She has been speaking to you for a long time, but you're not listening. Fear of yourself. She can be stern, but very loving. She is family. 

On October 6, 2003 I had a reading with a friend nicknamed Wiseone, where my Grandmother came through.

Wiseone: Your Grandmom is here

Bud:Okay

Wiseone:I was going to search for why she is showing me an accent. She seems to have an origin in a far away place. I haven't let her come through all the way. We shall see what she shows me for you. She has been making me smile, though I like her a lot. Let me know when you are ready.

Bud: I am ready

Wiseone: I will need confirmation, and also when I ask for verification, please give it.

Bud: Okay

Wiseone: Don't give any more, unless I ask for it

Bud: Okay

Wiseone:A yes or no throughout the reading will help greatly

Bud: Okay

Wiseone:I will need to connect with you now. Please tell me where you are in Michigan right now. This is for me to connect with spirit. I always ask this question.

Bud: I am in Washington State right now

Wiseone: Oh, I thought you had moved to Michigan. That's important that I connect. Okay, Washington State. We will start now.

Bud: Okay

Wiseone: I'm meditating a second, will start when spirit comes in closer

Bud: Okay

Wiseone: This woman is showing me the accent, which means she actually had one, or she is from another country, such as Italy or Poland. Did your Grandmother hail from another country, or have an accent?

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: Thank you

Bud: Well, no, but I understand

Wiseone: She also shows me that she dresses in black here. Her head with a baboshka on it, also black. Does this sound like a picture of her so far? She is showing me the fields, as if she worked in them. She has taken a liking to flowers. She seems to have been a big part of your life, as if you were her child. Wine, Italy?

Bud: No

Wiseone: Any of this sound like her?

Bud: Yes, some

Wiseone: We are not sure it Is who you think it is. I have often misinterpreted Grandmom, Great Grandmom, and Mom. Tell me which part, so I am verified on that part and can go on. She seems stubborn here. Lol

Bud: truthfully, it sounds like a combination. Lol

Wiseone: She says it's the old lady. Lol. They were all alike she says, yes. Pretty much. The dark dress is long below the knees. And she wears the scarf. It seems to be a common thing for her heritage to do so. To keep the wind out of her ear, and heat off her head.

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: She is pushing now for you to know who it is. She shows me fields again. They seem to be shown to you in pictures or stories. Ask her a question Bud. Not a name.

Bud: Okay, were they farmers?

Wiseone: Well, yes. A plow.

Bud: And cows

Wiseone: And a horse

Bud: Did they have a store?

Wiseone: Hard workers. Didn't do anything the easy way. Lazy people, hmmmmp! She shows me now a barn. She stands alone in the fields. She was a hard worker. She was there. Stern women, strong. She says this to you. She shows me also honey, as if from her own hands. Homemade canned things.

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: Amish comes to mind in this view. I have seen this lifestyle with them. She was a very hard worker as she shows me she is actually out there in the field.

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: The things that are shown, were old fashion to me. She is a stern woman as she shows herself here. But has a kind heart for her own.

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: I keep getting Polish as the babushka is told to me. Still not sure of her origins. Looks Polish. Was she from Poland?

Bud: No

Wiseone: Does it have land on the end of the name?

Bud: No

Wiseone: I'm not sure why I am still getting the land thing. We will wait and see if she makes that more clear. Did they actually use this horse drawn plow she shows me?

Bud: Yes, I Believe so

Wiseone: It is very clear. She's got a thing about working hard. She has not shown me a store yet. Just homemade honey, and other things special she made and canned. She has shown me that was a draw, and the way she wanted the place where it goes to. So I am assuming she did have a store, and there were some canned things she made. Is this correct?

Bud: Not sure what was in the store

Wiseone: Did you know her as she is now showing me that you were a wiry little guy when you were little. Hyper is what we call it now.

Bud: No, never met her

Wiseone: She will show you she has been with you in spirit, by showing you how you were in your life. This is what she is showing you.

Bud: Okay

Wiseone: Were you hyper as a child?

Bud: I was a scaredy cat

Wiseone: A lot of energy? Running around in circles is what she shows me.

Bud: No more than anyone else.

Wiseone: LOL. Okay, well she shows me a scene where you are running around a woman, and she is beside herself, She says to you, “stop!” and Grandmom is showing me you get your ear tugged or grabbed in this scene. Do you remember this happening?

Bud: No, but as kids it could have happened.

Wiseone: She may be talking about your Father then. Is he still alive? Is this your Mother?

Bud: No, Dad is passed

Wiseone: Is this his Mother?

Bud: Could be

Wiseone: Which one had the farm and the store and had an accent?

Bud: My Maternal Grandmother. The accent could be on both sides.

Wiseone: Okay, I am trying to figure out who this boy is she shows me. The plow and the barn are shown always in the background. Her in the field. Would this describe either of them?

Bud: Both were workers, her parents were farmers.

Wiseone: Scarf also, and dark clothes, dress below the knees. Well, she hasn't shown the store to me. Only canned stuff. Hmmmmmm.

Bud: The clothes don't rin a bell to me

Wiseone: We need to figure out which Grandmom this is

Bud: But it's still possible

Wiseone: The scarf?

Bud: I believe they both wore scarfs, at times.

Wiseone: Keep ears from cold. And heat from head, she says

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: Okay, ask a question that would be specific for your Mom's Mom and then we will ask one of your Dad's Mom.

Bud: Okay, let me think. Can't use names?

Wiseone: You can

Bud: Okay, one is married to Camille, and one is married to Adrien

Wiseone: She says Adrien is her spouse. Is this on Mom's side?

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: Okay, we have her here. It is always hard when you haven't known them in life.

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: They always try to give just what you know about them. Would you like to try to have your father come through?

Bud: She must be my Guardian Angel too

Wiseone: We can ask her to help us with that. Did she know him while she was here?

Bud: No, she didn't.

Wiseone: Why? She said she is like a Mother to you

Bud: She passed early in life

Wiseone: I was very surprised when you said you hadn't known her. She said that at the very beginning.

Bud: I am a lot like her in personality

Wiseone: She said she worked herself to death, is what I did, she says. Yes, she had told me that. I was waiting for you to know her, before I told you. Would you like to talk to another relative from the past? She says “yes, I am watching over you.”

Bud: Ask her if she was there when my Mom passed over to meet her

Wiseone: But she wouldn't call herself an Angel, lol. She says she was family, of course she will be there. Yes, she says for you also, she is going to be dare. I'm starting to channel her accent.

Bud: lol. I see.

Wiseone: Yah. Lol. Still not sure where she hales from. We will wait and see if she shows me. Do you have any other questions while we have her on the line? Lol.

She loves flowers, by the way, you also?

Bud: Yes, lilacs.

Wiseone: She has one in particular that is her favorite. But she shows it to me, and I don't know the name of it. Lol. Looks like a lily.

Bud: Could be

Wiseone: In general she loved to plant and had a green thumb. Also has a bit of a sense of humor here.

Bud: Yes, hmmmmmm, nothing about music came through

Wiseone: She shows me her thumb is not green anymore. Kidding around. From her?

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: Music? Hang on, I'll see. Well, she shows me a piano in her home. A violin. And her singing in a choir at church.

Bud: yes, those were the two

Wiseone: Not sure if these were actual events, all of them, or wishes. As I asked her, she showed me three things. Awwww...good.

Bud: She and her sister Edna were the performing Duford sisters.

Wiseone: Wow! She smiles. She has been smiling, actually a happy person. And a very proud woman. Proud of all her accomplishments from hard work, she says.

Bud: She knows what's been going on in my life. My accomplishments, and me keeping in touch with her Nieces and Nephews.

Wiseone: She has stress “hard worker” throughout this whole reading. She says “I see you, remember I am your Guardian Angel. Well, you call me Angel. I'm with you close by.”

Bud: I love you Grandma

Wiseone: She calls her Nieces rascals now. Not approving of something. She will not share that.

Bud: lol

Wiseone: “I love you also” and she calls you a name I don't understand in another language.

Bud: Can you try close to what it sounds

Wiseone: Did you have a pet name, in another name from Mom? Starts with a B.

Bud: No

Wiseone: Like a cute name, like it would mean loving child

Bud: Bon Enfant

Wiseone: Can you give me the name, gosh, this is always a hard one. Loving child? Yes?

Bud: Good child

Wiseone: awwwww

Bud: I never had it, but it is the language she speaks (French Canadian)

Wiseone: She has referred to you as her child from the beginning of this reading. As if she watches over you now because of a bond. Awwwww. Okay, thank you.

Bud: Yes, I felt it. We both love music, and like photography and family.

Wiseone: She has been waiting awhile to speak to you, you know, Bud. She stayed right with me after that first time on Instant Messenger, when I told you, she started to come through.

Bud: I wonder what she thinks of my life and the twists and turns

Wiseone: And we would make an appointment. Remember she has been with me, since this is important to her.

Bud: Also, is she with my Mom in the Spirit World?

Wiseone: I will ask her, okay?

Bud: Okay

Wiseone: With Mom, awww, yes, yes. And with your life, “it's the way it goes son, you're doing good, doing good.” Her head is in approval now, showing me she is nodding, yes, yes. She is quite a woman.

Bud: Yes she is. I had a dream one night, a woman's face appeared in the sky, was that her?

Wiseone: I have really liked her since she came to me, you can be really proud of her. Yes, she say “Ha,” said to tell you she came in the dream. She asked if you didn't know it was her, and says you did. She says “you know it was me son.” She calls you son.

Bud: She was Alma, my Grandma. She passed over much too soon. She was always felt. Mom sure missed her.

Wiseone: She is saying, she calls you son because you are one, and she says she is now ancient and can get away with it, and smiles. She seems to be very loving towards you, as if you were her favorite. Do you know of a car accident for her, as she has been referring to one. She has not shown me about it.

Bud: Not her, but her Aunt had one.

Wiseone: Did a death occur?

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: She seems to have this embedded in her memory. Her sister? Her aunt?

Bud:Her aunt Delia, her Mom's sister passed from a car accident. Oh.... Yes! Her sister Edna passed from a car accident.

Wiseone: She is telling me now, it was a horrible accident. A shock and a great loss.

Bud: Yes, another one that passed too soon.

Wiseone: Which accident was a mess, as the person was really messed up?

Bud: Edna's

Wiseone: She refers to that one, and I am seeing it was her sister, I think.

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: Yes, that was very traumatic for her. She says “I got her here now though, no worries now”

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: She seems to be the leader, and the caretaker, and the strongest family member of these women, as she shows me that now

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: She sayswhy do you think it's me here now son, and I laugh at her. She is wonderful. Do you have a black and white picture of her farm, the fields, and the plow, and the barn? Or have you seen it? She says it exists.

Bud: Yes, in pictures

Wiseone: Yes

Bud: I have in boxes, three photo books with her writings

Wiseone: Was she in one, in the fields? Do you remember that one? As she keeps showing me that one.

Bud: I recall her holding a shovel

Wiseone: As a confirmation to you, so you know it's her

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: Really?

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: Wonderful! She seems happy, it makes her go on. She says now, as if she were there for awhile and made her mark. She wanted to so badly. She says she lives through you. Memories of her, she had not done all she planned on doing before she left. She says “you know son, what I mean.” So much you want to do. A mark to leave of you.

Bud: Yes

Wiseone: Write a poem for me boy, for your Grandmother, would you?

Bud: I have, and I will

Wiseone: “Again, always speak of as an inspiration. Yes, I love the things you write, I do. You think so deeply. You see the truths. You have the courage to write them. That is good. Without that courage, they would go unknown to others. The beauty that you see and know, wold be lost.” Would. She will not let me spell one word wrong.

Bud: LOL

Wiseone: She makes me correct it. Lol. She is sending you her love. She is pulling back now. Spirits know when I have been drained a bit.

Bud: Thanks Darcy!

Wiseone: They are always considerate of me. She is a wonderful woman Bud.

Bud: Thanks, I sure love her

Wiseone: You are welcome. This has been a pleasure for me. She seems so healthy emotionally. She sure loves you too. She has shown me she is with you like a guardian angel. But like she says, she is not an angel. She walks close to you. And watches over you.

Bud: Maybe she is my guiding spirit, so to speak. Darcy?

Wiseone: Yes?

Bud: Thank you for the wonderful reading

Wiseone: You are welcome. I am very happy to give it to you, and to meet your Grandmom, She's wonderful!  

My story involves a very special friend of mine, Patricia SUNDSTROM. She started out as a volunteer worker at the Latter Day Saints Family History Library in Escanaba, but later became director when Margaret GILBERT stepped down due to failing health. Not only was she a wonderful teacher of researching in genealogy, she was also a friend who was very spiritual. We could share our views on spiritual matters and it was always a wonderful thing to have so much in common. She was my moral support also in so many times. Her presence was always appreciated and loved.

It was a sad time when we found out she had cancer. All her friends gathered and gave her and Margaret GILBERT an Honorary tribute at the Latter Day Saints. Pat passed away.

I had been living in an apartment right across from the Lakeview Cemetery, where I found out from Family History Library volunteer Richard Reiffers, is where she is buried. On June 18th 2002 I had a dream. I saw her appear at the front door of the apartment building I was living at. No words or messages came through. With her appeared a rather large sized black dog. They stood there a few moments, and then they left. I woke up and thought about what I had just dreamed. I felt pleased that she had visited me. There was no message spoken or in my mind. Maybe it was the message that she had made it to the other side and was with her black dog and was doing okay.

About a week later, after going for a bike ride, I decided to stop by the cemetery where she was buried. I rode my bike down many roads and looked at many graves in hopes of finding her grave. But the chances of finding her grave among so many, would take a very long time. I came to a point where I thought I would just leave and call up someone to find out exactly where her grave was located.

I was riding down the last road, and I saw this red truck pull over up ahead. A woman got out and went about her business. As I arrived I said hello and she looked at me with recognition in her eyes and voice as she responded with "hello, and how are you doing?" I can’t recall if I asked her how she knew me, or if she could see it in my expression. Whatever it was, she went on to tell me how she knew me. She said about seven years ago, Pat had given us each a ride home from the Family History Library. Her name was Pat Jones. She asked if I was looking for Pat’s grave. I told her I was.

She said as soon as she put some flowers on her parents and brother’s graves, she would show me where Pat’s grave was. As we continued talking, she told me her Mother’s maiden name was NANTELLE. I knew we were related then, because I am related to all the NANTELLES in the area. As she gave me her Grandfather’s first name, before she could finish, I gave her the last name of her Grandmother. A name I had remembered from my years of researching my ancestors and relatives.

As she planted and watered the flowers, I told her about the dream I had. She told me that Pat did have a dog that fit the description of the dog in my dream, by the name of Mac. I followed her as she got in the truck and drove, I followed on bike. She drove to the area where a hill was. I followed her on foot to the top of the hill, and there before us was Pat’s grave with beautiful flowers surrounding it. She continued talking to me and telling me the childhood years she shared with Pat. She also went on to tell me the times they shared up until her passing.

I felt very warm and honored to be there next to her and listening to the life of a woman I had grown to love, and who had done so much for so many people. Not only was this Pat JONES a woman who shared a common friend with me, but we also shared common ancestors.

I told her this was so amazing that she would be here on the day I was looking for the grave. I went on to say that the spirits were truly guiding us. She smiled and said she believed that too.

Not always do we remember our dreams, but when they involve someone who has passed, it is important to remember that they may be trying to get a message through to us. The message may be as simple as to let us know they are always with us and we can always be in touch with each other. It is always good to write down the details of all the dreams you can remember. I keep a Dreams Journal and it has helped me.

I remember one dream not too long after my Dad passed in 1990. I was looking out the back door, and I saw my Dad riding my red bike. I had to look again because I thought for sure I must have been seeing things. He pulled up in the direction of the side of the garage and right in front of the basement. I went out and went down to the basement. And there he was, my Dad! How could he be?! He said hello, and so did I. I asked him how he could be here when he had passed. He just smiled and seemed to avoid the question. He asked how I was and how everyone else was. I told him we missed him, but we were doing okay. He was tearing apart an old couch that wasn’t any good anymore. I asked him what he was doing here. I meant what was he doing here when he had passed. He responded he was going to tear apart the couch. Not the answer I wanted. I woke up feeling good to have been able to talk with Dad again.

I had another dream with my Dad in it. Every winter I would walk from my home on North 14th street to the Latter Day Saints Family History Library On South 13th street. I would walk up South 14th street. Some days were freezing, and some days were snowing, and I had to climb snow banks or walk through snow on the way.

In this dream I was in a grocery store, when I saw some man pushing a wheelchair with a man in it that looked like my Dad. I saw them go down where the fruits and vegetables were. I followed them and it looked just like my Dad. The man pushing the wheelchair asked me if I’d watch the man in the chair while he goes across the room to get something else. I said I would. He said he doesn’t talk. I asked how it was that he was taking care of him. He said they found him face down in a snow bank on South 14th street, and he had spoken since.

As the man walked away, I looked at this man who looked like my Dad. He looked at me and smiled and said "Hello Bud" I know I smiled and said "Dad?!" He was smiling too. I know we talked awhile, but not sure what it was about. All I know is I had this good feeling in his presence. The man returned. He asked if everything was okay. I told him it was no problem. I want to say that Dad winked at me as the man wheeled him away, as it is in my mind and memory. I woke up feeling good that we had another visit, and that he is well taken care of where he is.

Shrine Of Hope reading with Nomokids6 (January 4, 2007) This is a reading where my Dad comes through. 

Nomokids6: Hey Bud, do you have a father in spirit?

Bud: Yes, I do

Nomokids6: Okay, I have two males around you. One Dad feeling. Was he diabetic, or someone close to you?

Bud: Someone close to me was

Nomokids6: Okay. There is also a January connection. Anniversary or Birthday

Bud: Yes

Nomokids6: There is also a 5, don't know if you are one of 5, or your Dad . I feel this is family number, like sibling group. Is there also an M name close to you?

Bud: Yes

Nomokids6: Okay, thank you. Is your Dad's brother also in spirit?

Bud: Yes

Nomokids6: Is there a Joe also?

Bud: Can't place a Joe

Nomokids6: Okay, well just keep it in mind, maybe it will come later. You have been going through a rough spot lately. Like caught in the middle of some situation or with someone.

Bud: Yes

Nomokids6: And you have felt kind of helpless. Do you have children, or is there a 2 to you also, something with a 2.

Bud: I am one of two

Nomokids6: Okay, thank you. You have a sister.

Bud: Yes

Nomokids6: You are wanting to get this thing resolved, that's been going on, but you feel like a no way situation kind of thing. Lots of confusion on things.

Bud: Okay

Nomokids6: You have been asking for help with this, spiritually speaking

Bud: Yes

Nomokids6: Your Dad comes, has come to you in dreams, but not as much lately.

Bud: Yes

Nomokids6: This is because he is standing by you. He is going to help you get through this. You are a big thinker. You let yourself get very deep sometimes. Your Dad was like this also. He is here to lend his love and support, and you helped him while he was here also. Is there a George name to you?

Bud: Yes

Nomokids6: Okay, thank you. He is backing, but wants you to know, he is with you, to keep strong, lots of love and admiration for you. ((((( Bud ))))

Bud: Thanks Nomo

After my Mom passed I was hoping she would come through in a dream also. And she did. Mom, Nancy, and one of my brothers(whom I am not sure which one it was in my dream), and I were sitting around a table at some sort of a gathering of people. Mom wanted to go up front next, but the host picked someone else to go up before Mom. Mom was so upset, because she wanted to go first. She was causing quite a commotion. I tried to calm Mom, I asked her what she wanted to do. She said sing a song. I asked, what song? She said "Three Little Fishes" and started to sing the song that I knew because she sang it when I was younger. The host heard and said she could go up next. And then I woke up.

I had a dream a couple years later. I had just come home from somewhere and entered the old house. I found it strange to be at the old house, because I had recently moved to Washington state to be with Wanda, and hadn’t been in that house for awhile now. I thought there must be a reason for me to be there. I walked in, and there in the chair straight in front of the TV, was my Mom sitting down. I said hello Mom, and looked around, taking in everything and wondering where Wanda was. She was lying on the couch with her eyes closed. I looked back at Mom and smiled and she smiled back. Wanda opened her eyes and looked up at me and got up, and said "you must be hungry, I’ll fix you some breakfast." She went off to do that. And then I woke up. My feelings from this dream told me that Mom approves of Wanda as my wife, and that she likes her. I had a very warm feeling to have both women who I love dearly in my dream together.

Toby was the best friend a family could have. Very sensitive and so caring. He was our dog that my sister Nancy had gotten from someone she knew in 1989. He was being abused by the child who lived at that house. Nancy brought Toby over and my brother John wanted it, Mom and I remembered how it was when our last dog Barney had passed so tragically. We weren’t sure. Yet, this little Toby was so cute and so lovable. We both decided it was time to say yes. Toby became loved by everyone who came around him. He became my best friend. He helped me through the passing of my Dad. And he helped me through some serious health problems when I had given up on eating and lost a lot of weight. Everyone thought I was dying. I was able to overcome anything because of this little guy’s love for me. In 1998 after my brother John had moved out to be with his fianceé Terry, things had taken a turn for the worse. Toby was bitten by a skunk one night. He had quite a bite and we brought him to the Vets. I had given him a bath that night in tomato juice. After that, he wasn’t doing good at all. He’s go out and sit all night in front of the porch at the bottom of the steps. I knew something wasn’t right with him, because he wasn’t eating, and drank very little.

It was August 1998 I brought him to the Vets again, and they took tests. I left him there and came home. At around 12 Noon the Vet called. Said most of his enzymes were breaking down and decayed. She said the best thing to do would have him put down. So I told her….."send Toby to Heaven." After I hung up the phone, both Mom and I cried all day. He had touched us very deeply, and would be missed very much.

It was about a month or so later that I had this dream. I found myself looking at this little dog surrounded by a bright white light. As I watched him, he barked at me, trying to tell me something. It was a happy bark. And then he came up to me and licked my hand. A warm feeling came over me when he did this. I woke up and thought about the dream I just had. It dawned on me that it was Toby. And that he was telling me that he had made it to the other side and was doing good. It made me feel so good to feel this way and to know this.

Dreams are special when someone you know and love comes through. But there are many times we have dreams we don’t understand. One time I was feeling very much like I wasn’t appreciated

One time I had a dream I was lying in bed upstairs in my room. I was dreaming I was awake. All of a sudden these little funny looking aliens came down out of the ceiling. They just came through it as if they were a ghost. They wanted to take me away from here, and somewhere else. Not exactly sure what they wanted. I was considering going with them, and I think I had even gotten up to where they were waiting for me. I had a vision of the future, and in it I saw people and how my absence would effect them. I saw the pain I caused with my leaving, I saw the lives they didn’t have because I was gone. What I saw made me feel very sad. I had to stay, and carry on my life here on earth, and help those I love. Because I do make a difference. And my life did impact others around me. I woke up feeling very happy to be in my home with people I loved.

I recall another dream I had. I found myself gathered around this campfire with all these Native Americans. Mostly all were children as was I. What was I doing here? This one boy who was taller than I kept poking me with a stick, as if trying to get me upset so I would start a fight. I tried avoiding him, yet he followed me and kept poking me. I wanted him to stop. Then from out of a tee pee came this old Native American woman. She looked and yelled something at the young brave with the stick. I understood the words as "do not bother him, he is a relative of ours." I woke up and was wondering what that meant. Was it a past life vision? Was there a message in it?

                                                    Visions

I have been told by many spiritual people that I was a Native American in a past life. One Past Life Artist named Annette even drew a picture of who I was in a past life. I believe it was a Native American named Quiet Eyes. It was a beautiful picture.

Another friend named Casara, told me I was a Native American who saw my people raped and killed by the white man and I lead my people down the Trail Of Tears. I had entered a chat room once, and a Native American said he saw me as Native American who was a Horse Keeper, who watched over horses.

I believe there must be something to it, when enough people see similar things through my spirit that comes through.

I have also had visions of the near future or present happenings. Once I had a vision I was at the old house in Escanaba (while in Washington state), and I saw the rooms inside were very bright there. Brighter than I remember them being. I talked to my sister Nancy on the phone, and asked her if Rhonda, her daughter who owns the house now, had done anything because I saw the inside much brighter. She told me Rhonda had painted the inside cupboards that were brown to white and that the walls were painted white for now. But later may be changed to another color. She was surprised that I knew this, and asked me how I knew. I told her I had a dream of it.

Back in the 80’s I had taken care of Pronase GOYMERAC’s husband George. Over the years we had kept in touch, and I’d stop by her house to visit her. After moving to Washington state, I found out by calling her and her son Mike had answered, that she had fallen at her house and they had found her on the floor. She was placed in a Nursing Home. I called up Mike sometime later to check on how she was doing. He said she was in a Adult Foster Home in Gladstone, and was doing much better. I decided to call her one day at her new home, and on the night before I called, I had a dream that she and I were standing in a kitchen and she was talking slower than she usually does. When she answered the phone and she talked much slower, I knew I had another dream vision. She told me she had a stroke and hardly remembered anything of her time in the Nursing Home.

Those two visions were while I was asleep, but I have had a wide awake vision one time also. It was at the time just a couple days before the attack on the Twin Towers in New York City. I had a vision of my online lover at that time Kristina, boarding the plane and taking a seat. In my vision I saw a man enter the plane and he looked quite wild and very demanding. He was giving demands and pushing people around as though they were not important at all. I could see Kristina in my vision and I hadn’t heard from her in a long while.

I found myself crying in the bathroom when this vision came. I wondered why I let myself think such a thought. But still I prayed that she was safe, and I put a lot of feeling into my thoughts to keep her safe.

I was to find out the next day that the Twin Towers in New York were destroyed by planes that the terrorists had boarded. I didn’t think Kristina would be aboard one of them, because she lived in British Columbia Canada and that was far away from this tragedy. When I got online, Kristina’s brother told me she was to board the plane that had left Boston, but missed being on it because her meeting she had there was late getting done. A friend of hers however had been on it, and was killed in one of the planes.

I do believe in visions for I have experienced them. Both in my sleep and while awake. And I believe when we are bonded and connected with someone, our prayers and thoughts do make a difference. The spirits passed over, hear us there, and those alive who are living spirits in human bodies are also effected by us too.

                                                   Messages In Songs

Have you ever been thinking of something or someone and have the radio come on and play a song that would describe exactly what you needed to hear, or something that fit the occasion perfectly. I believe spirits have a hand in it. It’s happened to me.

It was 1999, and just a half year earlier I had found out that my Mom had given up a baby girl in 1942 in Detroit. She didn’t know she’d be marrying the baby’s father, and they had to go down to Detroit to hide the news of her pregnancy.

I was researching at the Latter Day Saints Family History Library when Pat came up to me and handed me a piece of paper that she had found as a query on a local online website. This woman was adopted and looking for her Mother Lucille who’s maiden name was JOINT. Pat asked me if I knew who this was. I looked up at her and said it was my sister, and explained the story to her. My sister was born Delores, but the adopted parents named her Jeanne, and I called her Jeannie. On the paper was her e-mail address, so I wrote back to her. She responded and we kept writing back and forth. I asked her to call so she could talk with Mom. So she did, and I talked with her also. My sister Nancy also became close with her. Jeannie planned a trip up to meet Mom. I remember the first meeting. I was to be at work, and Jeannie was to be all alone with Mom. Mom often joked about this, saying…."maybe she wants to kill me." While I was at work, my thoughts were on how the reunion was going. I always liked music while I was working on Bob’s range of motion exercises. The radio was on and the song that came on was Paul Simon’s "MOTHER AND CHILD REUNION." It fit my thoughts exactly. When I got home later, Mom & Jeannie were looking over pictures. Jeannie gave me a big hug and held my hand as we got acquainted. Later Nancy showed up too. Everything went well, and the song made it even better.

We had been living with my wife Wanda’s parents in a nice little town 32 miles west of Olympia, Washington for over a year.

 I remember one day I decided to call my brother Jay in Piney Point Maryland.  We each enjoyed music quite a bit.  I had the TV on and was playing some music channel that had some music I really enjoyed.  While I was talking to Jay, we were talking about music.  I asked him if he heard of this artist and named the song.  He was amazed that he had the very same station and listening to the same song.  He and I over the years have shared our love for music, with each other, and I found that moment to be so amazing.  Who would have thought we each would be listening to the same channel on TV and the same songs.  At that very exact moment when I called him.  

I thought everything with Wanda  had been good, until 2004 came and something changed.

Nobody really knows where the spirits are going to guide you next. I sure didn’t know what was happening when 2004 came around. I knew something didn’t feel right, because my wife Wanda kept spending most of her time on the computer at the Cribbage site. Her family figured she was hiding something, but nobody knew what. It was the last part of March 2004 when I decided I better confront her and see what it was that was bothering her. I dreaded the feeling that was coming over me. Thoughts ran through my head. Thoughts such as: Maybe someone abused her and she couldn’t tell me, or maybe she’s found someone else on the internet. I sat down next to her and asked her what was bothering her. She turned to me and told me she didn’t love me anymore. I couldn’t believe what I was hearing. I felt I could not breathe, I cried all the way to work.

I worked in an Adult Home for people with dementia, and it was the night shift. There was one lady whom I’ll call Betty. Just two weeks later, she had bitten me. Seems like she totally hated me at first, until a week of getting acquainted with the help of her niece Patti. On this night however we had become quite close. For the past week she’d smile whenever she saw me, and was quite cooperative. I came in her room and couldn’t hide or hold back my tears. I went over to her bedside to see how she was doing. Somehow I felt she knew there was something wrong, and she took my hand in hers. I told her what happened with my wife, and told her I was going back to the area where I call home. With a far away look in her eyes, she said that "home was the right place to be." It was two nights following this that she was taken home (she passed away).

As I was driving to work with the radio on, songs would be playing that stood out to my senses. It was March 31, 2004 and my wife had just told me she didn't love me any more. Songs that were playing were the Rolling Stones "She's So Cold," Genesis "Throwing It All Away" and Gary Wright's "Dreamweaver" take me from this place. It was very interesting that the songs spoke for me. On the last day there, my wife drove me to the Bus Depot, and the song playing was Shania Twain's "From This Moment on, Life has begun." All I could think of at that time, as I looked and saw my wife crying was....what does she mean life has begun. But looking back now...I can say that many wonderful things have happened since that day, and I am so happy they did.

On April 17th 2004 I took the bus homeward bound, back to Upper Michigan. It was a long trip, but I arrived early the morning of April 20th. It was good to be back in the land I knew so well and loved. And to be around family and friends. I stayed with my older brother Clyde who lived in Gladstone, about 8 miles or so from my hometown of Escanaba. One day I took the community bus to Escanaba and walked around there. I walked down Ludington street and by the place where Pat Jones worked. Pat was the lady who is my distant cousin who was in the cemetery and guided me to Patricia Sundstrom’s grave earlier in this story. Next to the place where she worked was a guy standing outside. I asked if he knew Pat Jones, and he said yes. I decided not to bother her, and walked up south 14th street on my way to the LATTER DAY SAINTS Family History Library. I had just gotten up to 9th avenue to turn, when Pat’s red truck pulled around the corner. She said she saw me walk by and figured she knew where I was going. She said she had to tell me something. Before I went to Washington state, I stopped by her house and left my new address with her. Along with some genealogy papers on the NANTELLES that I had put together. She said she had been on vacation and while she was gone her daughter moved all the furniture around. When she returned from her vacation, one of the boxes had the piece of paper with my address on the very top. She wondered what it meant. She thought maybe she was suppose to get in touch with me and see how I am doing. It was when I walked by where she works, that her answers came.

I was depressed for awhile. Thinking over all that had happened in the last month. Wondering what I did wrong, or what I could have done to change it. A spiritual friend from Slovenia once told me before I went to Washington, to "never stop doing what I’m doing, never stop being myself, and be true to myself."  If not those exact words, that is the message that came across to me. I realized I was all of the above. Wanda expected to change me, when she’s always told me she accepted me. She knew all this about me before, and still she married me thinking she could change me. My spiritual beliefs are strong, and I always love the shows and music I do. That didn’t mean she had to. I realized our life paths had crossed and were going in other directions. I know I was guided back here to the Upper Peninsula of Michigan for a reason. Maybe the spirits realized I wasn’t as happy or as content as I could be. Maybe they knew I had wings pinned and could not spread them and fly where I was and brought me back. Maybe there are many more reasons they brought me back. Maybe there was something I had to do.  Only time will tell where the spirits guide me.

  She could have treated me better, and been honest with me, which I am sure she wasn't totally.  Over time I forgave her, and wished her happiness.  Even though we separated in 2004, I made the divorce happen in 2011 here in Escanaba.  She went on to remarry.  Her daughter who I had come to like, also got married.  And time moved ahead.  

While we’re waiting for time to move ahead even, let me tell you about one of spiritual friends named "greeneyesmiling" (Debbie) from Indiana. I met her on Pal Talk also. She had a strong spiritual presence around me whenever she was chatting with me. We met in a poetry room and she would read her poems out loud, and so would I. We got better acquainted and then we would talk about spiritual things. She always believed her spirit to be native American, although she was white on the outside physically. She said she saw me as a knight in the woods in England who wrote poetry for a blonde haired woman, who had been taken from me. We shared a lot of good chats, and she is a wonderful friend of mine.

I remember one time, and I’m not sure it was Debbie or someone else. I had this vision before my eyes of this beautiful Native American on a horse with beautiful long dark hair flowing down, and as she rode away, her hair blew in the wind. This sight just made me feel so good all over. It touched me so deeply, I still play it over in my mind to this day and the feeling makes me feel so good inside.

The Native Americans have influenced so many in the spiritual world. Another friend I met on Pal Talk was "Flowerlight" (Kassie) from West Sussex, England. She loved the Native American ways. We had a special spiritual connection and I could feel her energy, as she could feel mine. She would open her room and we would meet many people who came into it. We had a special connection, and sometimes she would end up giggling at the way it was making us each feel.

It was here in Flowerlight’s room, that I met someone named "khat" (Gloria), a Maori (Native New Zealander) who I had a very strong spiritual connection with. She said she took phone calls and helped people psychically with help from her spirit guide. Her energy was so strong when she came on and chatted with me. I could feel her in all parts of my body, and I know because she told me, she could also. She said, " I see you as the hermit, the keeper of knowledge and wisdom, you have so much to give. People are drawn to you." In later years she told me she had some Maori in her, but not much. Yet, she was spiritual.

Another one I met on Pal Talk was "Bella" from Nova Scotia Canada. She seemed to feel she had a strong link to me. This was when I first started visiting the spiritual rooms. I had not yet felt the energies of others at this time, yet "Bella" told me she felt my Mom’s spirit around me.

I was to be introduced to a friend of hers from Ontario named "firecracker" (Dot). She was a single Mom trying to raise a young baby boy she adopted. Her job kept her busy, as she was a trucker. She had a strong energy that I could feel throughout my body. She was a dear friend who had been through a lot of pain in her life. A dear friend who is truly an angel on earth.

Another one I met was "spud90" (Liza), who lived in Taipei Taiwan at the time I met her at Pal Talk in my room "Bud’s Spiritual Place." Originally from the Philippines. She was a pastry chef and I found myself enjoying her company very much. She became a regular in my room. Later on I was explaining to her the feeling of feeling other people’s spiritual energy, and without thinking, her energy came across very strongly. It was at this time we connected very strongly. She has moved back to the Philippines and is kept busy with her current job. I see her online and chat with her.

Sometimes we are drawn to people or they are drawn to us to give a message. I had known "sweet white dove" for quite awhile. But one time in one room I felt drawn to send her a private message. I felt something wasn’t quite right and she needed to tell me. I felt her marriage wasn’t quite right, and she needed to perk it up somewhat. My energy went across to her, but not in a way I would have expected the outcome. She was feeling very much sexually aroused. She could not believe what she was feeling. She thanked me for the feeling and said she was going to have a wonderful night with her husband tonight. Without giving me the details, she thanked me the next day, saying the night went very well.

And sometimes messages will come to you from people you have never met before, but the spirits feel you need to hear a message and they use them as a messager. One such room I entered and a woman named "seablueyes" from England, said she had a message for me. She said usually people come to her for a message, but this time the spirits came to her first and she told me they told her to tell me "take my time and not let the pressure from family get to me." It was at the time right after my Mom had passed and I felt I had to get out of the house. She told me a female spirit is telling her to keep the “Photo albums.” At that time, I had put aside some old photo albums and wanted to keep them, but felt bad about not sharing with the rest of the family.

                                                         JVP Chat

When Wanda and I moved from Gig Harbor Washington and in with Wanda’s parents in Montesano, I lost touch with my connection to Pal Talk. I had been exploring the Internet and came across James Van Praagh’s website. I was a big reader of spiritual books and had enjoyed James’ books about the Spiritual Medium’s life and stories, and all about the readings of those passed over. I was quite pleased to see he had a chat room at his site.

I entered and met so many wonderful friends there. It was to become a favorite place I would visit whenever I came online. It was here that I met "Rose Petal" (Sue) from Berkshire England. She had such a zany sense of humor, and we really got crazy together. Her crazy zany humor always got me laughing so very much. I could feel her energy coming across whenever we chatted. I always looked forward to the time we spent together.

Another friend I met at JVP Chat was "Bertie" from Ohio. Somehow I felt a very warm bond with her. I almost felt that she could see inside my soul and know exactly what was happening inside me. Just before I got the bad news from Wanda, she said she saw in her mind some glasses falling and I came to mind. And then not long afterwards, we met again online. Being that she is very spiritual, that vision could mean so many things. And that is the thing about visions, they can be taken so many ways. Maybe my glasses falling meant, I can't see ahead, and feel lost.  I know for certain that is how I felt for a time following my the break up with Wanda.  

One friend I met at JVP Chat was "angelglow"(Pam) from Northern California. We connected strongly and we became very close and shared so much about our lives and how we felt about different events in our lives. The energy felt so good whenever we would connect, and we were there to listen and share with each other. She became a very close soul friend.

I met "gerri" Of Tennessee at JVP Chat also. She’s a songwriter and I’m a poet. We teamed up for some poems together. Although we weren’t connected strongly, I do recall one time our spirits did connect very strongly and it was very powerful. I see her often in the room and we are good friends.

I like it when I able to connect and feel energies with people, even if it doesn’t last. It gives me a chance to know them soul to soul and feel what kind of a person they are. In the JVP Chat I have met some of the most wonderful people. Yet even there some people can be deceiving. Yet because they are all interested in spiritual growth there, it’s easy to connect and feel good in the energy that is in the room. To be able to feel the energy of a person anywhere online assures my soul that their soul is a good one and that they are not pretending to be something that they aren’t.

"lena" was an aura reader, and a dear friend who always entered the room. I always felt good in her presence. One time when we chatted in a private message, she told me she saw Rainbow colors all around me, meaning I was a special person. Another friend "ilene" said she saw green all around me.

"nothernrainbow" from kansas was one friend also who came along who I connected to. Such a warm energy feeling coming across. And "carrie" from Germany was also one I felt very strong warm energy coming from.  Adrienne was a friend I met in the JVP chat.  She was very in tune with the spirits.  What started out as a conversation, turned into a reading on January 18, 2012.

Adrienne: The spirit can really move people through music. Bud I had two amazing experiences yesterday!

Bud: I agree. It can touch your very soul. In fact through meditation and music.....you can float out of your body and be anywhere

Adrienne: I need to try that..lol

Bud: I want to hear them

Adrienne: Really? You don't mind me sharing?

Bud: I love hearing experiences

Adrienne: I had this reading booked for this woman yesterday and i keep second guessing myself at times.

I was really feeling off and wondered if i could connect with her or other energies.. soon has she started talking and I was going to end the call.

The spirit of her grandmother came through, with details that brought her to tears It felt amazing.

So then i get off the phone with her and I go to my room to clear the energy and a friend of mines mother who had passed away and i had never met her, came through crystal clear. I wrote down all she wanted to say and called my friend.

The details were right on..!!

I'm so excited.. by listening to my guides things are really happening.

Bud: Yes, you are doing very well. In tune and following the right path

I loved it!

Adrienne: I was so excited! I need to listen more to my guides and stop questioning things so much.

Okay. Thank you for allowing me to share.

Bud: as a friend....I love listening. I am totally involved in listening to anything anyone gets from the other side. The stories are so wonderful to hear

and You dear woman are an amazing woman!

Adrienne: Wow, thank you Bud! We are all amazing! Connected at the same level!

Bud: true.....we are

Adrienne: I wanted to cry i was so excited.

Bud: what makes you so well is your sensitivity. You are in tune with every thing. You have reached another level to travel down.

Adrienne: Even my eating habits, i never thought i would be a vegetarian,'

It's really amazing and so are all the people that surround me and you! Your amazing!

i know i keep saying that but i believe it.

I was telling my husband about you the other day and telling him what a great soul you are.

Bud: we all have our roles to play. Each has a gift even when they don't realize it

Adrienne: Right on! Thank you for allowing me to share with you. I kept thinking i needed someone phsyical to tell me how to do this, but it's already there. i just have to trust.

Bud: Yes, I know fear gets in my way. I can barely make out shadows in my apartment. Fear has run most of my life. If I relax and let faith and love take over, maybe then I'll be able to hear spirits to

I have had dream visitations, because they know I am relaxed then. I've smelt things like my Dad's pipe tobacco.

Adrienne: It's loved ones trying to connect with you.

I see your parents around you. Big time.

Bud: have you had better luck at hearing other people's loved ones....than your own?

Adrienne: no.

I had a friend of mine die last Sept and he is always around me talking to me.

He makes my lights go out in the washroom at night while im in the shower. i yell at him and he laughs at me.

My grandfather comes and goes also.

I haven't had to experience many deaths in the family.

Bud: tell me when someone comes through.....what is it like...voices in your mind, and are they like a whisper or what

Adrienne: It can be different, for the most it is pictures in my third eye and the voice sounds like my own but their words.

Like right now, i get a picture of a old leather chair.

Has a hold in it. I'm being shown an old stove.. one used to heat a room. does that make sense?

A woman wearing a apron.

Bud: I must tell you. One time I was talking to this woman from southern California. I saw her beautiful dark hair flowing and a old fashioned dress,,,,,never have I seen anything like that. she told me to stop reading her.

yes! My bedroom had an old stove to heat the room. My Mom wore an apron and did a lot of cooking.

Adrienne: Okay , sorry I'm being shown this as we speak.

Bud: Never be sorry my friend

Adrienne: okay.. See it just kinda happens.

Now i feel this over flowing love towards you. I see a woman hugging you.

Bud: was she wearing an apron?

Adrienne: yes, she showing me bath time? Something about water or bubbles.

Bud: must be my Mom

Adrienne: old fashion tub.

Bud: Yes, one with legs

Adrienne: Yes!!!! Flower curtains? around it?

i see a child playing in the tub and laughing.

Bud: don't recall that, but she loved flower curtains in the window

oh yes, i loved my plastic boats

Adrienne: okay, I see her watching you to make sure you are okay. Was her hair light in color?

Bud: checking in on me

Adrienne: yes. She loved to see the joy on your face.

Bud: no, it was darker....but got grayer in her older age

Adrienne: okay.

Bud: Thank you Adrienne

Adrienne: Thank you for being open.

She says never alone. in a firm tone.

Bud: Oh, you got to drop this "sorry" attitude. It's a great gift to have and just be in tune with what people believe and where you are, and let it all flow

know what I mean?

Adrienne: I know. it just happens though.

So i don't want to step over the line.

Bud: know where you can, know where you can't

Adrienne: Yup your right.

i'm getting that your connection is being played with .. your computer acting up.

i'm getting oh ya watch this comment lol

Bud: you were right. I have wireless for this building, and sometimes it freezes in places

I am patient and just wait it out

Adrienne: Very cool.

i have a few more things if you want me to share.

Bud: I'd Love it!

Adrienne: I'm being shown a picture..of your mom? or parents? on a computer screen?

Or something close by so you can see it.

And a old key.

Bud: Oh yes, I've been scanning in the Family Pictures

Adrienne: i guess they are helping you with it lol

Bud: not sure about the old key

but it may have a meaning

Adrienne: key chain? something about a key.

not sure.

Bud: sometimes the messages are like a code...but must give it to the person as you get it

maybe meaning will be revealed in time

remember, you can ask them in detail about key as well...and see what happens

Adrienne: okay

I see an old key ..opening a door.

New beginnings.

stepping out of the old and coming into the new.

Wow..

Bud: ooh......yes.....now I get it

Adrienne: Never thought to ask before.

The shadows are nothing to be afraid of.

I'm being told spriit guides and passed loved ones surround you.

there is a brother figure?

Bud: yes, he passed last year

Adrienne: I'm getting a pain in the left side of my head.

Bud: Wow!

Adrienne: over before he knew it?

Does that make sense?

older brother?

Bud: he had a heart attack...maybe hit his head when he fell

Adrienne: He says he is older.

Bud: said massive heart attack by coroner....was found on floor

Adrienne: I'm being shown a washroom.

It was so fast.. no time to really feel pain

Bud: Yes, it was a shock to us

Adrienne: He is sorry for being a pain in the ass.

He is laughing

It was all in good fun, you knew i loved you in my own weird way.

Bud: I loved him anyway, he would come to help no matter what our differences were

Adrienne: Stop missing me so much i still bug you ..

This is his words. I'm just typing what he is saying.

Bud: Thanks

Adrienne: He shows me him messing up your hair.. he says back in the day when you had it.

Bud. Lol

Adrienne: laughing again.

Everything is as it should be.

Trust ..

Bud: his was always short on top of his head....flat top

Adrienne: Love .

lol

I'm seeing a hand.. big hand ?

high five maybe?

Did he have big hands?

Bud: Not really

Adrienne: something about middle of forehead.

hand in forehead..

Three stooges..

Bud: Oh.....lol

Adrienne: Favorite show?

Bud: use to watch it as a kid

Adrienne: He said you both would act it out as kids.

he says curly lol I'm seeing a chandler?

glass?

Bud: What's a chandler?

Adrienne: I can't think how to spell it.

light fixture.

moving back and forth.

Bud: hmmmmm...ask more in detail

Adrienne: okay..

Bright lights..

did a light break or something?

Bud: yes, one light is out....where two should be

Adrienne: He plays with lights he said.

Bud: I see

Adrienne: The connection is thinning.

Hard for me to get what he is saying now.

He sends love and says pay attention.

Bud: okay......thank them for me before they fade

Adrienne: Okay .. tell Bud we love him

buddy.

Bud: Ty for their messages

Adrienne: No problem. Thank you for allowing me to share.

I wasn't planning on that at all.

Thank you also for helping me to learn. it's really just trusting what they show me and allowing it to come through as i get it.

Bud: I never heard from my brother Terry before

so glad to hear from him

he passed around late May 2011

Adrienne: oh wow.

He is in white light and very happy.

On April 25, 2012 I had another visit and reading with Adrienne.

Adrienne: Ok. Are you ready?

Bud : ready as I'll ever be

Adrienne: I have your brother here also.

He appeared soon as I started to tap into you.

Bud: wow, he must be around me often

Adrienne: Do you know much about your chakras?

He said he has to be, who else will look after you, says it in a joking way.

Bud: I know the areas...a bit lol

Adrienne: Ok so your Root, chakra is off balance.

It's red in color.

At the base of your spine

Bud: is that down near the near the genetials, or belly button?

Adrienne: At the bottom of your spine tail bone area.

Bud: ok

Adrienne: It is earthly issues.

Bud: what does it mean to be earthly issues?

Adrienne: Not feeling secure,

Bud: ok

Adrienne: Issues of money shelter etc.

Bud: ok

Adrienne: It's not trusting enough.

There is a much bigger picture your not seeing, but that is ok too.

Trust that all your needs will be met and you deserve only the best in all areas. Somewhere along the way you've lost track of that.

Make sense?

Bud: It does....in a way.....yet I live and need money for rent....I'd rather not think about it though

things are better now....more jobs are here

Adrienne: It's about saying God thank you for meeting all my needs and I release the need to worry about rent money because I have faith and believe..

It's taking that extra step.

You will never go without, you limit yourself when you allow the fear to creep in.

Bud: I know....but fear is normal.....and when you are jobless for 6 months and your money is almost done.....you get scared

Adrienne: Fear blocks you hun.

Is all I'm saying your guides are all by you.

Bud: Thank you....I do understand fear

Adrienne: i understand how being without it is fearful, i was there before.

But anytime I start to feel that, i release and trust and we always come out on top.

Bud: yes

Adrienne: This time represents moving away or withdrawing from a current situation in your life, whether it's an old love, a relationship, or leaving behind what was once familiar in search of new horizons (or beginnings). On a physical level, it's easy to get caught up in the materialistic world, but it's just as important to retreat from the outside world to enable some alone time so you can commune with your soul and give the power of spirit the opportunity to restore your energy level, giving you the vitality to move forward in a positive direction.

The number 8 represents infinity, passion, control, and power. This is your time. Use this opportunity to tap into your heart and soul in order to find the courage and strength to continue your journey into that wonderful, undiscovered territory.

Bud: ok

Adrienne: Does it make sense though?

Bud: It does and I do spend much time alone....relaxing as much as possible

Adrienne: I don't want to lose you here. It's time to release some stuff your holding onto .

Bud: I take pictures....close to nature

I write and read

Adrienne: I know you do, your very connected.

A reward for a job well done is what this time represents. It's a time of recognition for a completed project, hard work, skill, expertise, and craftsmanship. These abilities are now being honored, but don't forget to also pay homage to yourself. Pat yourself on the back — you deserve it! This also comes forth to represent a family or a group of people coming together — all of whom are aiming and striving toward a common goal. Accept the help that's being offered. More possibilities are in the works, so be sure to lay a solid foundation from your past achievements, and this will help you be ready for the next opportunity. In addition, this is a reminder to take care of your physical body; after all, it's what carries your soul around in this material world.

Bud: I understand that message all too well

Adrienne: I used my cards to help with this reading.

Bud: I Noticed (smiles)

Adrienne: lol

I do from time to time.

But they are always right on for me.

Bud: I've gotten all the messages you have given me in each paragraph

Adrienne: you said before you didn't understand it?

Bud: now may I ask is my brother still around and does he have anything to say.....or my guides...you know I am not sure who my guides are

Adrienne: I see a dark haired male in armor.

Bud: I didn't think I understood what you were saying until it you told me

armor?

Adrienne: He is helping you with your strength and courage.

Bud: A knight

Adrienne: Kinda but not a knight. he looks like a solider from the roman times. But with big wings.

Bud: wow...wings

Adrienne: Names starts with a A.

Sounds like Ahron, but not Ahron.

Bud: Aaron

Adrienne: Amhron?

It's a name i've never heard before.

He is with you right now.

Bud: ok..he is...wow

Adrienne: There is also a woman guide showing you love of self.

She says your not fully loving yourself. she is here to teach you and guide you through the heartache.

What once was is no more.

She kinda reminds me of Mother Mary the way I'm seeing her right now.

Black hair. Crystal blue eyes.

Bud: Beautiful

Adrienne: They are very clear Bud and i keep getting the message pay attention to detail.

Did your brother have a goofy laugh or smile?

Bud: yes.....here everyone thought he was a bit slow, although he was smart at many things

Adrienne: Cause i see him laughing and telling me ..goofy..

lol

He likes to make you smile.

Bud: lol

Adrienne: Please do it more often.

Overflowing love coming from him towards you.

Bud: he helped this family so much

Adrienne: i have chills all over, very powerful energy.

wow..

Bud: he gave me my first camera

Adrienne: I just got , don't forget to unlock the key?

Sorry that is how the words came out.

Bud: that key keeps showing up

Adrienne: I'm seeing like a secret garden picture now.

Bud: hmmmmmm....that is a mystery to me

Adrienne: Could it be unlock yourself to the beauty surrounding you?

That is what I got when I asked.

Love is power, fear is not.

Bud: maybe....maybe when I let go of the fear....I will see more

Adrienne: I think that is right on.

I really have chills all up my back.

This is really important you hear this.

No more second guessing yourself.

Your brother is pulling back now. He said he is off to go play?

Bud: Cribbage or Pool (smiles)

Adrienne: He seems very child like.. right now.

Like overflown with joy.

Bud: he didn't seem happy here

so I am glad he is there happy

Adrienne: You know when your a kid and you just have fun doing the symbolist things?

Bud: yes, carefree

Adrienne: He is just like that.

YES!!!!

Your already well on your way, don't be hard on yourself when you feel things aren't going your way.

Bud: I have tried, when others wonder why I am not looking. I always say I am being calm

Adrienne: I see your guides wanting you to be happy and give yourself the credit you deserve.

They have pulled back now too.

Bud: ok

wow

interesting

Adrienne: How are you feeling?

Bud: I feel good

Adrienne: To tap in without cards it's much more powerful.

Bud: Many use cards as a tool.....I prefer to tap into the person and take it from there

Adrienne: I started out with cards.

Bud: sometimes the cards say more than what is right.....yet there is always something within that hits the nail on the head

Adrienne: it's much easier to tap into your energy and give what they give me. they never let me down.

I agree.

Bud: The part about the body

I need to see my Doctor again

yet, I hate fasting before the blood test

more like fear (frown)

Adrienne: Ok try this..

Meditate and thank your guides and God for making you well . Start seeing yourself as being well and willing it to happen.

Bud: I can do that

Adrienne: you might have to tell yourself like 1000 times a day. but it really does work.

Bud: I might lose count

Adrienne: ha ha doesn't matter.

Just try it out.

Bud: (((( Adrienne )))))

Adrienne: You have nothing to lose and everything to gain..

((Bud))

Bud: I bet each reading you give the same person several times is always different than the last

Adrienne: Always.

You know it was funny. I had this one client a few weeks ago.

Came in for a mediumship reading and I told her you might think I'm crazy. but why do I feel a pain in my chest and this spirit is showing me her naked breasts

She was also telling me she had big boobs. Well my client almost fell off her chair. Said this person died of breast cancer and she had larger boobs.. lol we couldn't stop laughing.

Bud: wow....I was wondering about that one

Adrienne: So it is really interesting what can come through.

Bud: she got the booby prize

Adrienne: or how they choose to show me something.

Ha ha sure did

Bud: yes, and you have learned to ask if you don't understand

sometimes they'll explain

Adrienne: Yes, I'm really learning to just let go and allow it to flow in. with each reading it gets clearer.

Bud: I am glad to hear that

Adrienne: You helped me to learn to trust that you know.

Bud: I am not sure I told you.....once in a chat two weeks ago...I connected with a woman who is pregnant....last year I connected with a woman who is pregnant....both of them found out after we were connected....

Adrienne: Awesome!!! I'm glad you didnt see me prego lol

I need a bus just to go shopping lol

Bud: lol

but someone asked...why does Bud connected with preg women

they are both in their 20's

New energy?

Adrienne: It might very well be.

                                                           AllPoetry

Being a poet, I was to find many friends at AllPoetry site, where I posted many of my poems while I was over in Washington state. It was here that I found some really special spiritual friends.

One of them is from Australia, Joan. She’s much older than I am, and yet we became very close. Her energy kept getting stronger and stronger and our energies would connect very easily and it was always nice sharing stories, feelings, life’s events, and exploring the energies that we were both experiencing.

"Nelak" (Kalen) was another dear spiritual friend of mine I met at AllPoetry site. I met her there and as I did with Joan(above), I added each of them to MSN messager and would chat with each of them when they came on. Nelak was young enough to be my daughter, and yet her words and comments were that of a very wise and old spirit. Her spirit seemed to lift me up all the time and I was always happy to spend time chatting with her. Her energy had a very warm feeling to it. I could not be more proud of her for who she is, and what her spirit is, as if she was my own daughter.

                                    Genealogy - A Family Connection

In the year 2004 so much new spiritual experiences have happened. Getting back into my genealogy, I found myself at the Latter Day Saints Family Library at Noon on one day while I was between jobs. Now usually I don't go to the LDS Library between jobs, and furthermore I usually am prepared to do some research there. But this day I was drawn to go there and was sitting there wondering why. The staff there were chatting among themselves while I sat there twiddling my fingers. I wondered if I should leave, because I was just wasting time doing nothing. When all of a sudden I heard the doors opening and someone was coming in. I thought I'd wait and see who it was and who they were researching. In walks a couple and they signed in as they stood by the doorway. I felt a strong urge to ask who they were researching and so I asked them. They replied FISH. I replied...oh, Cecilia or Exilda FISH, I smiled and said, "you must be Maryann BELANGER." She seemed to be surprised I knew her name. She had posted something on the GenForum website and it mentioned a Flora PINARD of Escanaba Michigan. Well, I saw that and knew Flora wasn't in Escanaba, and wrote a letter to Maryann. I told her this and she said she never got my letter. How did I know she was going to be here today, so that I could be here?

How did I know this person was Maryann BELANGER? I haven't never met her, nor did I know where she lived or that she was coming here. Her husband's Gary's Grandfather was Auntie FISH's older brother Tom BELANGER. They had a brother named George. Their Mother was Emilia BRISSON, widow of Eusebe BELANGER. She remarried my Great Grandfather Louis PINARD of Champion(near Marquette) Michigan. They had two children together, Flora and Cordelia. Flora had never lived in Escanaba, but her half-sister Auntie FISH did. I was able to help Maryann and Gary get his BELANGER and BRISSON line all the way back, and we've been great friends since...keeping in touch through e-mail and sending packages back and forth.

The spiritual journey continues and is interlocked with genealogy as well as many other routes. I continued to meet more people at the JAMES VAN PRAAGH chatroom. One such person was a woman named Evita who lived in the Philadelphia area. I felt very strongly drawn to her, and when we first started chatting, we could feel each of energies getting stronger in our chakras area. I was to find this would be the strongest ever I have connected with anyone. So intense, that she became very much a part of me. It is as if a part of me has risen above to a new level of consciousness. We would visit often in the chatroom and the energy would always be so very strong. It was the greatest feeling anyone could ever experience. One day I was up in my apartment just sitting watching TV. All of a sudden I felt this strong energy wrapping itself around me. I shut off the TV and sat in the chair to set all my attention on enjoying this wonderful feeling. It lasted a half hour. Later in the day it happened again, and lasted a half hour also. The next time I talked with Evita, whom I started to call Evi(pronounced Aw-vee), she asked if I felt anything during the day. I explained the wonderful energy twice that lasted about a half hour. I could feel her energy get stronger as we became one soul merged together. My crown chakra was so warm, my heart chakra was so heavy with her heart attached to it.

She can feel when I am thinking of her, and I can feel when she is thinking of me. She believes I visit her in her dreams. One weekend, I woke up at exactly 8:59 AM, on Saturday and Sunday. She told me did also. The next morning I woke at 4 AM and thought...odd time...I'll go back to sleep. She woke up at that time also and thought the same. She can feel me all throughout the day, and I can feel her. I can only say it is the most amazing and wonderful feeling. Sometimes it can be overwhelming, and she says she has to block the energy at times. She is a bit afraid of all this, as it is new to her. Even though she has had her amount of spiritual experiences. I told her it was new to me as well, because this was the very strongest it has been. It is effecting me in a new way. I feel I am walking on air, and there is a glow about me. I told Evi not to be afraid and we would walk soul to soul and learn about our connection and where it takes us.

                                                              MediuMystics Chat

In 2005 my Spiritual Journey continued. I visited the Spiritual chats of Pal Talk, James Van Praagh community, Mediumystics often and found many friends.

One incident happened while I was out on my bike and a seagull was diving at me. I couldn't figure out why. But someone in chat told me it was a deceased Uncle trying to get my attention. Well he sure got it!

At Mediumystics I met up with Flame (from Iowa) who one night said my Mother was near me in spirit. I could feel a tingling sensation and she told me that my Mom was happy she felt the hug that she gave to me. Flame had some Native American in her and we use to chat often.

At Pal Talk I met up with a woman GodLovesThisAngel at Pal Talk. She was in Colorado. I met her when she was in a room with some skeptics and I came to her rescue. After that we became good friends and chatted quite often. She even called me up. As I got to know her better I realized I would never be able to live up to her expectations. She'd call me often and leave messages that were humorous. I didn't call her back and she was tired of not finding me at home and quit calling. We drifted apart.

Here is a reading I got from Jem at MediuMystics on Nov 21, 2011 at 2:30 AM.

H~Jem > do you know a clarence?

H~Jem > am i frozen

H~Jem > ???

:Bud > who

:Bud > me?

H~Jem > yayyy you there

H~Jem > i thought i was frozen

:Bud > oh my.......my name and my dad's

H~Jem > do you know a clarence

H~Jem > what

H~Jem > clarence

:Bud > it is my real name and my Dad's name

H~Jem > no way

:Bud > yes

H~Jem > hahahha

H~Jem > omg

H~Jem > rofl

H~Jem > no seriously i heard

:Bud > why?

H~Jem > clarence out loud

H~Jem > shouting

H~Jem > spirit

:Bud > wow

H~Jem > like shouting saying hello

:Bud > could you tell if it was female or male

H~Jem > male i feel was shouting it

H~Jem > like helloooo

H~Jem > would you understand this

:Bud > it was probably Clarence.....my Dad

H~Jem > wow

H~Jem > did he pass recently

H~Jem > can we go to 3

:Bud > 1990

H~Jem > hey faerie xxx

H~Jem > wb xx

FaerieFyre > lol hi, ty

H~Jem > you wanna both come to room 3

H~Jem > i have a clarence in the house x

<System> Moderated readings, practice reads, Please be quiet on entering, there maybe a reading in progress. (This Room is Logged)

<System> Bud Has Entered The Room.

H~Jem > hey xx#

FaerieFyre > hi

:Bud > hi

H~Jem > ok ... i hearng unusual name

H~Jem > clarence...

H~Jem > that your dad name bud

:Bud > unyes

H~Jem > he in sprt

H~Jem > oops spirit

:Bud > yes it isyes

H~Jem > wow... bless is cool name

H~Jem > unusal

H~Jem > xx

:Bud > maybe to you...lol

H~Jem > ;o)

H~Jem > yes to me would be associated

H~Jem > with clarence house

H~Jem > royalty

H~Jem > and queen

H~Jem > etc

H~Jem > but he shouted loud and clear

H~Jem > and also got the number

H~Jem > 40

:Bud > : )

H~Jem > would this be significant

H~Jem > ?

H~Jem > or relevant

H~Jem > somewhere

:Bud > can't think of it being

H~Jem > ok... just keep in mind

H~Jem > also seeing snow

H~Jem > is first for something

H~Jem > when he was forty

H~Jem > i feel

H~Jem > first grandchild i feel

H~Jem > female

H~Jem > little girl

:Bud > ok

H~Jem > you have a sister

H~Jem > she has children...

H~Jem > ?

:Bud > yes

H~Jem > a daughter

H~Jem > oops a daughter ... your niece

:Bud > yes two sisters who have daughters

:Bud > oops

H~Jem > ok... was born around his 40th

H~Jem > or 40th significant

:Bud > ok

H~Jem > feel he is around this child...... female

H~Jem > also feel age 21

H~Jem > specific

:Bud > ok

H~Jem > so they twins..s

H~Jem > like i seeing two

:Bud > ok

H~Jem > boats....

H~Jem > would you understand this

H~Jem > i want to say free sailing

:Bud > yes

H~Jem > one wants to stay

H~Jem > the other wants to go

H~Jem > and he is watching over....

H~Jem > but again i want to say clarence is x 2

H~Jem > so not just your dad has this name

:Bud > yes......he and I

H~Jem > this is your birth name

H~Jem > ?

:Bud > yes

H~Jem > bless ...

H~Jem > wow

H~Jem > do you or he shorten it to clarr....

H~Jem > i hear clarr

:Bud > could be a nick of it

H~Jem > yes feels like a nick

H~Jem > do you not like it?

H~Jem > the nane

:Bud > Clare-enzzzzzzz

H~Jem > i get feeling you avoid it somehow

:Bud > he named me Bud because he never liked the name

H~Jem > or were teased or something about it

H~Jem > right

:Bud > he didn't want me to grow up being called Junior

H~Jem > yes was something i feel he diddn't like

:Bud > so they named me Bud

H~Jem > right

H~Jem > bless

H~Jem > awesome xx

H~Jem > would you understand

H~Jem > something about a shipyard?

H~Jem > or ships

:Bud > I live near one

H~Jem > ok

H~Jem > i feel a big ship

H~Jem > white

:Bud > many ships come in to our dock

H~Jem > right

H~Jem > he is around you

H~Jem > more than you realize

H~Jem > i don't feel you discussed some things...

:Bud > Yes

H~Jem > cause he nodding his head

H~Jem > and saying i know...

:Bud > ok

H~Jem > would you understand

:Bud > not sure

H~Jem > is like a gentleman's.. agreement...

:Bud > but there were many things we could have...yes

H~Jem > something he should have discussed... should have done with you

H~Jem > like fishing

H~Jem > building

H~Jem > playing

H~Jem > lots of stuff he saying

H~Jem > many regrets

:Bud > Yes....to all three

H~Jem > too busy working

H~Jem > earning a buck

H~Jem > time flew by

H~Jem > if he could have it again xx

H~Jem > and is putting arms around you

H~Jem > and saying he there .. and one day he will do these things if you so wish

:Bud > ok

H~Jem > would this make sense to you

:Bud > yes

H~Jem > i get feeling he was never really around

H~Jem > fleeting

H~Jem > morning... weekends..

H~Jem > brief

H~Jem > but loved you dearly just didn't know how to show it

:Bud > yes

H~Jem > was done thing

H~Jem > wasn't

H~Jem > (((((bud))))) xxx

:Bud > ty Jem

H~Jem > he is a sweet sweet soul xx

H~Jem > bless you and him xxx

H~Jem > you ok bud xx

:Bud > yes....was just saving the reading

H~Jem > usually spirit will hang around a while later... so anything else i get... i willl send to ya xx

:Bud > ty

H~Jem > i love how he shouted out proudly

:Bud > I sent out my love to him

H~Jem > clarence xx

H~Jem > and i was like huh

H~Jem > lol xx

H~Jem > whats the chances 3 of us in room

H~Jem > and my imagination lol x

H~Jem > has he ever came through before?

:Bud > as a matter of fact yes

H~Jem > or do you think cause you talking to him this morning

:Bud > and he came through being proud of me

H~Jem > yes he very proud of you xx

:Bud > I was just reading over some old readings

H~Jem > he not a man of many words xx

:Bud > and he came through proud back in 2001 too

H~Jem > ;o))

H~Jem > wow

H~Jem > coool huh xx

:Bud > very

H~Jem > isn't it uplifting when they come through clear

:Bud > I was surprised to see my name on screen

H~Jem > lol

H~Jem > i was surprised you said that was your name lol

H~Jem > i heard it twice

H~Jem > once loud.. other distant

H~Jem > lol

H~Jem > i thought you having me on

H~Jem > when you said was your name rofl

:Bud > it's a french name....very frenchy as well

H~Jem > lol interesting

H~Jem > funny how i wasn't or didn't even ask for spirit

:Bud > He knew I was here and he knew you could hear

FaerieFyre > :)

H~Jem > ;o))

H~Jem > i love how spirit work

H~Jem > but wish they wouldn't wake me up lol x

Vicki Lemongrass you will read about coming up.  She is the love of my life starting October 17, 2012.  Bob Miller is the Quadriplegic man I took care of from June 1988 to Jan 2012.  One time while Vicki was in MediuMystic, Bob came through.  This happened on April 12, 2013. 

KatieJane > i keep hearing the name bob

KatieJane > feels like his smile lit up a room

KatieJane > real outdoors man

KatieJane > hunting fishing

lemongrass > pos

KatieJane > he had an accident left him in a chair

lemongrass > yes

KatieJane > something about his bud

lemongrass > yes

KatieJane > im taking it as friend

lemongrass > yes

KatieJane > he was always there for him

lemongrass > yes

KatieJane > always

lemongrass > yes

KatieJane > wants to say ty to him

lemongrass > will tell him

KatieJane > love beyond measure

lemongrass > yes

KatieJane > he was there until the end

lemongrass > yes

KatieJane > wrote things about him

lemongrass > yes

KatieJane > just sends love and best wishes ty Bud ty he says

lemongrass > yes

lemongrass > thank him

KatieJane > will do ty lemon

lemongrass > I have heard his life story

lemongrass > thank you Bob

KatieJane > he smiles said pleasure

lemongrass > I love him too

lemongrass > Bud

KatieJane > ((lemon Bud))

lemongrass > yes

lemongrass > this is for bud

KatieJane > Bob feels that connection

lemongrass > thank him

KatieJane > gave me happy tears

lemongrass > I have them too

lemongrass > heart is pounding

lemongrass > been waiting for him to come

KatieJane > lol mine too

M~tess64 >    that was good katie  wd xxxx

KatieJane > ty ((all))

lemongrass > has he gone

KatieJane > yes

lemongrass > (((((((katieJane)))))

lemongrass > wonderfyul

KatieJane > (((lemon))) ty

lemongrass > I will copy now

                                                         Spirit & Soul chat                             

In 2006 I became a frequent visitor at a place called Spirit & Soul chat. I met some wonderful people there. MercyAnn (Vicky), rendy, Verdandi, Gentle, blkedsusan, hopefloat, flynghvs, bleueyes, stacy, visitor (Diane), rosemary434. They were a good group of people and I enjoyed my time each night I went in there.

One time right after my client (Ernie) passed away. Mercyann connected with him. Ernie's wife had spread the ashes out on the end of Aronson Island. She had no way to know that because I never talked about it in the room. She said “Bud, he's a swimmer and he's thanking you for all you've done. He's swimming by an island and he's waving to you.” Mercyann also connected with my Great Great grandfather Antoine Lemire. Described him and his wife, whom I never seen pictures of. She said he said he would have gotten into the same kind of work I am doing, but his choices were limited. Mercyann and I talked on the phone at least once and we were good friends. She offered for me to go live with her, but we both knew it wasn't going to work. I liked her anyway

In the room I became closely connected with visitor (Diane) from Australia. It was a strong connection in many ways. Sensual and spiritual. Many times she would tell me about her guides and what they were telling her. I remember once I felt very aroused and she told me it wasn't her, but she found out it was some spirit who use to live in this building I am in. She passed here a year or so ago. She had her guides talk to her and this woman in spirit released me. It wasn't bad, and it felt good. But it bothered me at the same time. Diane said the spirit would take away all my energy. She said her guides talk with mine.

I was always sharing my photos through e-mail with her and she'd see spirits on them. She was fascinated with the bridge I took pictures of, which lead to our beach and Aronsons Island. Below is a reading that Diane gave to me when we connected.

~

Diane: While I've been meditating last night I've been seeing a bridge and wondered if it has any meaning to you.

Bud: No (not sure why I said no)

Diane: Wow! Here it is again (at about this time our energies merged and we both began to float. Diane was taken to a vision in which she shared with me).

Diane: I see an Indian guide, young female, slender, wearing a tan colored dress, has long dark hair, and dark brown eyes.

Bud: Is she a Native American Indian?

Diane: Yes, she is. She's been popping in on my meditations, but she's standing on the bridge. She's asking me to follow her, she has something to show me. She asked me to come back and join the camp site. I'm looking at it off the side of a cliff.

Went through bushes, followed path, ended up on top of cliff. Red brown, rusty colored cliff. Looking down, seems to be like an old camp site.

She asked me to join her. I told her I'll come back this evening. She says she has to show me something.

There are two large male Indians with feathers on head gear there. I told her, I will return this evening and meet her on the bridge. Her words to me were “return to your past, will remind you of who you are.” Bud, she's saying your light is even brighter than you are aware of.

Bud: I had a dream a long time ago, that is still in my head, of a Native American woman riding away on a horse, with her long dark hair flying in the wind. It was so beautiful to see. I bet she is beautiful.

Diane: Yes she is. In the dream you had of her, she never returned, did she?

Bud: No

Diane: I get a feeling of lost love. Words given to me are “ill fate.” Her fate was from jealousy between two men. One whom she adored dearly. The other took her life, as she was unaware of his feelings towards her. It became a jealous outrage.

Bud: I also had a dream, where I see this Native American woman and she is saying to me “I am looking for you, and I won't give up until I find you.”

Diane: She has returned to you

Bud: Am I one of the two men, the one who adored her?

Diane: Yes, I get the feeling she was your love. She's saying something about the Sun Gods and a tribal thing. Might have something to do with a ceremony of some form. She vowed her love to you, this is why she is with you. You know you can you can ask her to join you in your dreams, she'd be honored. Just ask, “will you join in my dreams, and guide me to remember.”

Do you feel a hand on your shoulder?

Bud: No

Diane: Tell her in your mind, “it's okay for you to feel her there.” Ask her to step forward. Do you feel her? (there was a long pause).

Bud: Yes, she hugged me! I felt it all over. We became one.

Diane: Pure spirit energy, and its higher form. Don't be surprised if it happens on and off, because we have just opened the door. She's been trying to get your attention for awhile, but you played ignorant to her. Allow yourself to feel important she says. She is one of your guides through a past life love connection.

Bud: I'm glad to have her as a guide.

Diane: Great, you've let her in, bet you'll notice more psychic things, feeling more of the next couple of days.

Bud: Where did you first notice her?

Diane: You and I were standing in the middle of the bridge watching the sun setting. The city lights came on, and she appeared there. Funny because my guides were standing on far side, and you have two on the other side, and she appeared where you and I were standing in the middle of the bridge. Guides just say “it's bridging the gap.”

~

Diane got upset with me when I was helping someone and this mutual friend said I was sexually using her spirit. I would never do that, and was surprised Diane would believe this person over me. We kept in touch for awhile, but our bond drifted further apart.  She did get in touch many years later to see how I was doing, and we had a nice chat.  It was when Covid first hit.  

Another friend named MercyAnn gave me a reading where my Great Great Grandfather Antoine Lemire came through.  This happened on April 13, 2006.

Mercy: Bud, I have someone here by the name of Antoine. A Grandfather figure

Bud: I have a Great Great Grandfather named Antoine

Mercy: He's short, stringy, dark, very active, but thin

Bud: I don't know, I've never seen pictures of him

Mercy: He's watching over you about the records

Bud: Yes, I'm a genealogist

Mercy: He's middle class, not poor, not rich. I see him writing stuff down. But in this country, not France.

Bud: He lived in Quebec, Canada

Mercy: That's the same for me. He was meticulous about his attire, and took great pride. Did he have a lot of offsprings?

Bud: Yes he did

Mercy: He thought of them as his seeds. He had one wife, and she was his equal. She had a bun on the back of her nape. She was thin, and tiny. I am still getting writing with him. I see a picture, a wedding picture.

Bud: Gee, I wish I could see that picture

Mercy: Claire....Clairace

Bud: Clarence. That's my name and my Dad's

Mercy: You got your gift from Antoine. It passed to you via Clarence

Bud: What gift?

Mercy: The gift of clarity. Lol. Antoine was very....how can I say this. I do know and feel love love love to you. Great love, overriding love, so much love. It's making me feel weak. You know honey, if things had been different for him, he may have done what you do. Heal the sick. Help the infirm. But his choices were limited. I keep feeling red gold.

Bud: Red gold?

Mercy: You were lead to know. Yes, those colors. It's okay if you don't understand now. I am getting this song for you “You got stuck in the moment, and can't get out of it” *U2 song

Antoine Lemire was my Great Great Grandfather. His son Pierre Leandre Lemire, Grandson Camille Lemire, Great Grandson Clarence Lemire, Great Great Grandson Clarence “Bud” Lemire. Antoine's wife was Esther Paille. I believe there was a bit more to the reading, but then again maybe I was mistaken. But here is what I have here.  

                                                     ~

I met a Joanne who had a very strong energy. We'd connect every so often and it was amazing. She was in the process of moving to another state. Her last words were....”we shall meet in the next life, our time is not yet to be.”

                                   My Spiritual Cousin

I have a Cousin who is very spiritual.  She told me she's been this way since she was a lot younger, but never had anyone to talk to about it, until I came along.  As time moved along, I found out she could talk to those passed over into the afterlife.  

On January 10, 2014 My Spiritual Cousin received a brief message from my brother Terry in spirit.

He's happy where he's at. Fear is nothing more than a word. Don't give it power.

On March 17, 2014 My Spiritual Cousin received a message from my Mom in spirit.

She is grinning from ear to ear. She is proud of the man you have become. She loves you very very much. She is giving you and Vicki her blessings. Vicki is the daughter-in-law of her dreams for you. You and Vicki have something that is strong enough to face anything in this world. She thanked me for being your friend and asked me to watch over you and Vicki, but I would have done it anyway. Your Mom has a yellow light around her. She was holding a lace handkerchief with a rose in the middle. Lovely Lady!

On July 1, 2014 My Spiritual Cousin received a brief message from Bob, the Quadriplegic man I took care of from 1988 to 2012.

Everything is new at first. You have grown, and you are strong. You can do it. Don't quit.

On July 5, 2016 My Spiritual Cousin received a another message in Spirit from my brother Terry. Terry passed at the end of May 2011.

He is so happy at where he is. He's with Mom & Dad. He may not have always done the right thing while on Earth, but he's learned his mistakes were.

He wants you to know how proud he is of the man you've become. He knows it hasn't always been easy, but you've done well and come far.

A piece of advice for my brother. Do not let any one person kick you down. You get back up and stand your ground.

He also wants you to know, work will find its way to you. But only when the time is right.

He says that he loves you, and someday you will see him again.

He is always by your side, and is always standing on the right side of you.

 

Here is a visit between my Mom in spirit and my Spiritual Cousin.

Ok I was sitting in my chair with feet up trying to read a book and my eyes would keep blurring, so I quit and just started to meditate and this came to me holding a cat. I knew right away it was your Mom! I asked just to make sure and she said yes cousin Karen!

Yes, I told her it was really nice to meet and she had a smile on her face.

She told me she was her for two reason. One she wanted me to pass a message to you. She wanted to say Happy Birthday and also she wants me to help you and Vicki get together. I said I am trying.

And She said she believes you two belong together and that she was responsible for getting you to together.

Yes I know. She said I should work with Alyssa more. I said what more can I do and she left.

But she was holding the beautiful cat.

That is why I asked if she had a cat? Did she have something wrong with her hand? Her right one

The reason I asked is because while she was hear, my hand kept hurting.

Kind of like a pinched nerve

And then when she left it went away!

Bud, she was surrounded with the most beautiful white light.

She looked to be in her 70's.

Paul Lemire was a friend and distant Cousin I met online years ago. Our common interest in genealogy and family brought us together, and we became friends. He lived in Hinton, Alberta, Canada with his wife Leona. For years we would write letters to each other and send them by e-mail. He was battling Leukemia and one day he passed away. Sometime later, maybe a year or so following, My Spiritual Cousin got a visit from Paul in Spirit on June 20, 2018.

He tried to get to you, but you aren't open enough. He wanted you to know, he apologized about not understanding about your job, but now he does, and it suits you. So keep up the good work.

Get out and get what you want. Don't be afraid to take a chance. Take the bull by the horns. He loves the pictures, and sure it can lead somewhere. He'll always be by your side. He's your friend. He loves you. He'll see you again sometime. It was a younger version of Paul, with a suit.

He's happy there. He said “Bud & Karen are right on the Spiritual Side." He watches over Leona.  

   My Spiritual Cousin would also have glimpses into the lives of those closest to her.  One day I was at the Lakeview Cemetery taking pictures of the Autumn Colors and the Gravestones.  I decided to set it up with my timer and pose with me hugging a stone.  I took several, but they weren't exactly what I wanted in the picture.  So I deleted them right there while at the cemetery.  I came home and posted them on Facebook.  My Cousin was looking them over, and then she said "where is the one of you hugging the gravestone?"  I thought at first, did I forget to post it.  I showed her one that I was hugging a gravestone.  She said "Not that one."  The only other one I took, I deleted while I was still at the cemetery.  I told her to hang on I was going to call her.  We talked about it on the phone.  It was amazing how she knew that I had a picture of me hugging the gravestone.  

                        

                                                                       ~

The Picture That Wasn't There

© by Bud Lemire on Nov 12, 2016

There was a picture that wasn't there

It seemed to have vanished into thin air

Where could it have gone, I wonder where

For I'm quite positive I saw it there

I was in the Lakeview Cemetery, taking a picture of me

But liking each picture, is always the key

I deleted the ones that didn't quite fit

Even though Autumn colors were sunlit

I returned home and posted them on Facebook

So they would be there to see, and people could look

My Cousin who is spiritual, was looking for one

But she couldn't find it, and my posting was done

She went over them until her eyes were sore

I told her those were all, there were no more

The next morning she said “It was the one where you're hugging the stone”

She shared with me, what she saw, what was shown

She saw me and my true love Vicki, in the clouds in the sky

For my Cousin you see, has what is called a Third Eye

I deleted that picture, it never got on a post

Yet she saw me there, with the one I love most

That's not the end, days later I returned to the Cemetery

Another picture was deleted, where she saw my brother Terry

Why is she seeing people in the pictures I delete

Whatever the reason, it's a blessing and a treat

My Spiritual Cousin is in tune with the Spiritual world. She sees

things that most can't. Somehow it was a message to let her

know they are there for her and me, to see, and to know. We

are never alone. Our loved ones are always watching over us.  

                           

                                                      White Eagle

It was November 13, 2006 that I went into the Mediumystics chat and met up with the WhiteEagle of Rhode Island. She told me later, “when I saw your name, I knew you were for me.” We connected quickly, and needed more time together. Someone there exchanged our MSN Messenger names and we would meet up there. Even though exchanging names and e-mail addresses were against the rules of the chat room.

She kept telling me she would visit me in my dreams. Or she would watch me sleep. I truly didn't know enough to believe it or not. Until one night I had a dream. I found myself sitting on a bar stool in someone's apartment at some sort of lunch counter where you can eat and chat. I was chatting with this beautiful dark haired woman and having the time of my life. It was very odd, because all of a sudden I was watching myself from further away and there I was on the couch in the distance...making love to this woman. I loved it!

I thought, was it her? I still wasn't sure because it didn't look like her to me. But still she kept saying it was her who came into my dreams. It wasn't until she e-mailed me some pictures of her from several years earlier, that I did see it was the exact same woman in my dreams. You see she had gotten a bit heavier from some pills she took and some stress she was going through. Her name is Linda and she and I became very close. 

In 2009 I felt she needed a break from her stress filled life. So she packed some stuff of her's, and was on her way to Michigan to see me. I had planned the route and she kept in touch by cell phone. She traveled to the top of Vermont through New York's top, and through Ontario to the top of Upper Michigan. She didn't stop unless she had to use bathroom or get gas or food. She ran very low on gas when she reached the Upper Peninsula of Michigan. But when she pulled up on the other side of the street, and I ran up to meet her, she gave me the warmest hug and kiss. She stayed for two weeks and I had the greatest LOVE ever. Not only was she a big part of me spiritually, but she was also a big part of me physically as well. She gave it all to me. In return I gave her the best I knew how. We got to travel to places around the Upper Peninsula and even down to Green Bay to have supper with a friend. She cried when she had to go back.

Her life changed when she went back. And so did our love connection as depression entered her life and took her further down. She started lashing out with bitterness at me for no reason. I was withdrawing from this woman who had turned from a loving woman to a bitter bitch. Later in life, we would keep in touch occasionally and remain friends.  I realized from what she told me, she had some pretty hard times.  Even though I had moved on, I felt sorry that she had to have life so rough.  

We both had returned to spiritual sites and chats around the same in 2011 unknown to each other. Something we had both agreed not to do 4 years earlier. She told me she had found some friends had a group on Facebook, from some chats we use to go to. She seemed surprised when I told her I had returned to the chats they were from.

I found a chat place I had never been to before. I enjoyed meeting new friends there. But like every site, they had their rules. Some were harsh, some were very foolish. I met Morgan there, and we connected closely. Young, soft energy that felt good to connect with. I broke the rules and gave her another site to go to. I knew she would benefit from it. She loved it there. One day she told me she was pregnant and it was the greatest gift. I loved her so much and was so happy for her. I felt like I was feeling her happiness and felt so connected to her since meeting her.  

I met up with another woman in a chat. I was sharing with her how I have been connecting with souls through the past 10 years. As I shared this and she asked questions, I started picking up on a feeling. She was the only one there, so I knew it must be her. I asked her if she was feeling anything, because I was. She was happy to say she was and she loved it. The next few times we met up, we felt each others energies. She had some news, she just found out she was pregnant. Two in a row, both finding out they were pregnant. Was I connecting to new life energy, new Mothers energy. Not sure why, but there must be a reason out there somewhere.

                                                  Lemongrass

                         

My journey into feeling Spiritual energy continued. Meeting up in a Spiritual chat I've been going to for years. I met up with Lemongrass (Vicki) May 10, 2012. She was in the chat one night, and from listening to her I knew she was a good soul. Although at this time I didn't feel her energy. She was exchanging Facebook names with some others, even though the chat frowned on breaking rules, they were bent slightly. I threw my Facebook name out there as well. She had been chatting with someone else, so I wasn't sure she caught my name at all.

Time went on and I'd see her occasionally in the Chat.

It was in August 2012, she invited me to join a forum called Spiritual Knowledge Exchange, which she was an Administrator for. I met some really nice people there.

Vicki asked if she could call me on Sunday night. I'm always happy to meet new friends, and was open to it. When she called, I felt a bit awkward at first. Unsure of what to say, yet we managed to find things to talk about.  She told me she had been reading my poetry in the MediuMystic Forum and enjoyed them, and even wanted to print some out and frame them.  She didn't realize I was the same person who wrote them, until she put two and two together. 

  One thing that was going through my mind as I got to know her better was "Why is she calling me, and she is married."  I knew that many turned to me for answers or understanding in their own Spiritual Journey.  So I thought maybe that was it.  

She'd send me long e-mail letters and messages on Facebook and asked again if she could call me again. I said yes she could. She was a good person and it was always nice to hear from her.

The computer I was running for several years crashed. I couldn't get it to work, and my brother-in-law Harold tried without any luck. I had the computer of my brother Terry who had passed a year ago as a back up computer. Hooked that one up and used that one for a day and a half. It was slowing down and I had had to shut it down and restart it. It started back up, but wouldn't get past the blue screen. My brother-in-law tried fixing it and was puzzled by why it wouldn't go any further. Found out later it was all gummed up inside from my brother's smoking.

Without a computer, I would go online in the Harbor Tower  lobby, which had two computers. I'd go down there later at night.

One night on the early morning of Oct 17, 2012, I met up with Vicki at Spiritual Knowledge Exchange and we met up in the Chat Box there. We began chatting and then I felt myself going deep inside her. It was very real, this feeling. And it felt so very good.  I'm telling you, there was no distance between us, even though she was in Texas and I was in the Upper Peninsula of Michigan.  It was as though she was right in the lobby with me, and slowly sliding down onto me.  She was texting me and I was so surprised by the wonderful feeling that seemed so real, I couldn't respond right away.   I asked her what made her do that, and she said she felt like she had to.  I came upstairs and something about me felt different.  I needed to talk with her again and find out what was happening between us.  

She was absent the next couple of days from the computer, and yet I felt different. I had this longing and desire to meet up with her again and feel her beautiful energy. Her dog Ziggy had gotten out of the gate, and she was out looking for him. She said she would have never gotten through it, but she felt my presence with her.

  In the next several months we explored our connection.  We found we could feel each other at certain times on certain days.  I would say did you feel anything today at any certain time, and she would say a time, and it was the same time I felt it too.  

  At night, when I went to bed, I would feel her as we became one.  It was amazing!  It was the most wonderful feeling.  Sometimes it felt like her whole body merged with mine and we truly were One.  

  I would read her in the evenings.  I was into the fantasy books similar to J. R. R. Tolkein's "Hobbit" & "Lord Of The Rings."  I started out with a series by Terry Goodkind which is "The Sword Of Truth" series.  It's the love story between Richard Rahl and Kahlan Amnell.  We started out on the phone, but later would use Skype to get together for the evening.  We'd talk awhile about each other's day, and then I would read.  Many times I felt she was sitting on my lap as I read. Many times when either of our days were bad or hard ones, the books would take us away together on an adventure.   We read series by Terry Goodkind, Terry Brooks, David Eddings, Raymond Feist, Tad Williams, Maggie Furey, Robert Newcomb, Allison Croggon, Sara C. Roethle, and so many others.  

                                          

Yes, there were times when we had disagreements.  She always wanted me to try something, and I wasn't ready to.  She would get upset.  As time went on she understood that was how I did things and accepted it.  

  She was living with a man who was bipolar and not always taking his medicine and was set off at any given time.  She found herself on guard every moment of every day.  She lived in fear.  It wasn't easy for her, and very stressful.  Her health deteriorated, and her breathing got worse.  She spent time helping to watch over her Granddaughter.  Getting out was good for her.  At times she feared her husband was poisoning her.  And he was always taking things from her bedroom, where she stayed most of time.  

   I tried to talk her into leaving, her family tried, but somehow she wasn't ready yet to make that big move to get out.  In time I just accepted it as it was, and when and if she was ready, she would leave.  

I remember when we first met, and we went the MediuMystics Chat room.  I was in the Chat lobby and she had a reading in the Reading room.  Vicki was getting messages, and my Mom came through.  "Someone you are interested in is French."  I was telling everyone in the lobby about our love connection.  In the reading room, the spirits were telling her that I was spilling the beans in the other room.  It was so funny.  We always talked about it for years following.  It was the highlight of every chance we'd get to Skype and for me to read her another few chapters in one of our favorite books.  And later, meet up at bedtime in my bed.  Two spirits locked in the passions of the deepest love you could think of.  

  Vicki had trouble breathing, and it wasn't getting any better.  Her last letter to me was December 29, 2022.  She said she saw some new Doctors and was pleased with what they planned to do, and she looked forward to 2023 to see if they could help her with her breathing and her pain.  She also mentioned hoping to be able to come and visit and meet me as well.  She mentioned she was tired, and ended the letter.  She came to me early that morning at my bedtime.  I had a client here in the same apartment building, his name is Steve, and I was one of the main caregivers for him several times a day.  My last shift had me going to bed around 3:30 or 4:30 AM.  I felt her spirit as we united in the passions of deep spiritual love.  

After a wonderful night of love and a good sleep, I got online to chat with my Cousin Karen.  I had received a message from Vicki's daughter, saying she passed away.  What?!  I had a hard time believing it.  Her daughter gave me her phone number and I called her.  I could tell she was crying.  I knew it was true.  I remember how strong Vicki's spirit was at bedtime.  I keep having this vision in my mind of her spirit coming over to make love with me, and then not being able to get back into her body because it had died.  So she had to cross over.  I thought about what caused her death many days following, but I am guessing with her having trouble with her breathing, it was the cause.  Reading over her e-mail letters from earlier in the year, which dawned on me as I read them over, she knew her time was coming.  Between her husband making life hard on her, she thought he was trying to poison her, and her breathing problems, she had accepted that she might pass from one of the two.  

  I told my Spiritual Cousin about Vicki's passing, and she told me this.  

“Here is what happened. On the night that Vicki passed, she came to me and got right in my face. At first I was not sure who it was, but that morning you called me to tell me she had passed and then I knew it was her. I told you about it, but you did not say anything right away. You were in shock from the news. But then two days later you told me you had been thinking about what I told you and then you were sure it was Vicki.”

My Spiritual Cousin went on to say Vicki had a lost look in her eyes. I am sure she was as surprised as her family and I was (that she had passed).  

                                                        Steven

                         

For this next part, I need to let you know more about my life at this point.  I'm a Personal Caregiver and have been since 1980.  I take care of a man named Steven.  He can not walk, or move like most of us can.  He can talk though.  I've been his caregiver for close to ten years and more recently, due to lack of workers, I have taken on more shifts taking care of him.  Steve and I had become quite close and would joke around often, and tease each other.  Steve didn't believe in the afterlife.  But I recall seeing tears in his eyes one time when he was talking about his Mom who had passed.  

  On January 7th he got sick.  Lots of congestion and coughing, and high temperatures.  Steve feared going to the Hospital or being checked out, because it would mean he might have to go to a Nursing Home, which he dreaded.  He's been in some, and believe me, he didn't like them at all.  I know he didn't want to go back to any of them.  On Sunday January 8th, 2023 I had gone in to see him, he was pretty relaxed and just lying there in bed.  He looked alright.  I had seen him at Noon and told him I'd be back at 4:30 PM to check on him and see if he was up for something to eat or drink.  

  I came in at 4:30 PM to check on him. I walked in, and the first thing I noticed was, he wasn't breathing.  I got closer to take a look.  NO! he wasn't breathing.  My mind was trying to grasp the reality of it all.  He's dead!  He passed away!  I have never in my life been the one to find someone dead.  I was in shock, and then realized I had to do something, call someone, let someone know.  I messaged my Cousin Karen.  She told me to call 911.  I had to clear my head, so I went home really fast and called 911 from there.  Then I went back to his apartment and a EMT worker showed up, and sirens were going off, many EMT and police officers showed up.  They took pictures and asked many questions.  I sort of blamed myself for what happened, and felt it was my fault.  That I should have done more.  I only know I did the best I could.  It was only 9 days after Vicki passed, and already I felt my whole world had changed.  

On January 9, 2023 my Spiritual Cousin received a message from Vicki in spirit.  "Steven didn't know he had passed. So I needed help crossing him over. Being new over there, I didn't have the experience yet.   So I got help from Bud's Mom, and My Spiritual Cousin's Twin Flame, and they were able to cross him over.  Steven couldn't believe it.  He said "Bud was right."  He is so happy over here, and he's upright.  No more pain.  He's totally amazed. I can't touch Bud like I could before when I was there, but I am learning."  

On January 18, 2023 Vicki sent another message to my Spiritual Cousin.  "I ordered something for Bud's birthday, but I passed before I could place the order.  Also, I am giving him a gift for his Birthday, that he will feel.  I was with him when he had his blood work done, and he did really well. "

I haven't found out the gift she didn't get a chance to order for me, but I did find out the gift she did give me for my birthday.  The greatest gift of all, LOVE at bedtime.  Although it feels different from spirit from when she was alive.  It still felt awesome!

 On January 18, 2023, I was in touch with a mutual friend named Susan, who was very spiritual.  Although Vicki had been out of touch with her, I wanted Susan to know of her passing.  So I wrote her a message on Facebook.  She responded, and some days following, she had a message for me. 

  This is it:  

I hope you’re well, and I hope you don’t mind. I can’t exactly ask your permission to do this, but I feel that I must.

Vicki is with me today, in spirit. She is so apologetic. She has no need to be, but she always felt like she wasn’t “good enough” somehow. I loved her dearly, but I don’t think she believed me. Her life was so tumultuous and harsh at times that she felt undeserving of happiness.

Anyway, I invited her to sit down for a cup of coffee (mentally, of course). She started to shine, her light coming to the surface and illuminating her. Such a beautiful soul. She laughed with joy when she spoke of you, Bud. She says that you were the hope that kept her hanging on during those final years.

She says she’s been there with you, but isn’t sure if you have felt or sensed her. She likes to stand behind you, over your left shoulder, so she can watch what you’re doing. And she tries to enter your dreams. Perhaps you’ve seen her there.

I don’t know if you and Vicki are Twin Flames, but I am quite sure you are Twin Souls, aligned with each other’s energies. If she could have left Texas… who knows what life would have held.

Be comforted by her presence, Bud. She’ll never forget you, and never leave you completely. She’ll be there when it’s your time to cross over, waiting to hold you tight.

Blessings to you, Bud.

p.s. She wants you to continue taking pictures, says she loves to see things as you see them. Especially now that there is snow on the ground to cover the ugly bits of the world. You were a dear, unique soul to her, Bud. At times deep and wise, at other times fresh and child-like. How she loved that about you. Sending you love and light and all things wonderful 🙂

Bud Responds:

Thank you for this Susan! It's always great to hear from her, since I am not aware enough to do it myself. Yes, I have felt her, and know she is around me on and off through the day and night. But it always feels great to hear it from her. I felt her before she passed, and I feel her in a different way now, but it still feels great. A warm feeling. I do promise to keep doing the things I love.

Yes, she is much better than she gives herself credit, and I hope over there she can let go of it. I think it is something we humans tend to carry with us from our past. I am no different. I don't always remember my dreams, Sometimes I do, and write them down. I did hear some bags falling nearby the other night and thought “I know you're here Vicki.” Yes, we are Twin Flames, and I have felt her from the time we connected on October 17, 2012. I have loved her ever since. I have lost people in life who have passed, but this one hurts more than anything else. What gives me comfort, is that I know she is in a better place. I know she doesn't have to worry about her breathing there, or who she is living with. She is free to soar. She even helped my client pass over. He passed January 8^th. My life has completely changed.

I know it's a procedure to ask for permission. In advance you have it, if ever she should send through another message. On the early morning she passed. she came to my My Spiritual Cousin to let her know she made it over to the other side. 

Thank you Susan, for being a great friend. I also wanted to thank you for the comforting words you said when I told you she passed.

Susan: "I am so thrilled that Vicki is busy helping others 🙂 I totally understand her feeling of not being good enough. I suffer from that too, because of my childhood. It's virtually impossible to unlearn those early lessons and attitudes. Vicki deserves peace and so much more. I truly wish I could have met her in person. There were plans to meet here on the coast if her daughter managed to spirit her away from "that guy." It never happened though. He has problems of his own, but no power on earth can fix him. I know. I read for him once. An awful childhood has scarred him forever, but that's no excuse for what he put Vicki through. Hold onto your dreams, Bud. Vicki will be there. (((( Bud ))))"

  

On February 5th 2023 My Spiritual Cousin had two visitors.  My Mom and Vicki.  

What a night this had been for spirits coming to me. Many came in this one sitting. It was Sunday February 5. I was sitting in my recliner just relaxing and they started to come one at a time. Of course first my Twin Flame and then others to follow. I was very open to them that night and they opened up to me. So let us just say the floodgates opened. It happens this way sometime, and then other times it may be just one or it could be two. On a whole they come one at a time, but this night there were two in particular together and I let them both in. It was your Mom and Vicki together.

What a beautiful site for me. Your Mom is such a wonderful Spirit. I wished I could have met her in person. On this night, it was like your Mom was guiding Vicki and she was there to listen and learn. It was so nice to see them together. It was not the first time, but it is so great to see. They both sat on the arm of my chair. Your Mom was on the right hand side of the arm of the chair, and Vicki was on the left.

Your Mom started off the talking. She wants you to know how very proud she is of you. But she is especially proud of the fact that you went down to Social Security and found out all you needed to know and also that you signed up for Social Security. She said you will be fine on the amount you will get. She said with the amount of money you get from the Senior Companion Program added to Social Security, things will work out ok. She said that she was so worried about you when she passed, but knows now you can make it on your own and that you are a very smart man. She said she loves your poems and wants you to keep writing and to try some short stories. She said you did great at the short stories you did do. The one thing she wants you to do though is this. Do not get so upset about material objects. She said we have no use for them here. And she just wants you to stay calm as you can. She said that getting upset can only cause medical issues. She also said she is so proud of the way you care about others, and how you try to help them. She also wants you to know that Steven is so happy with the rest of us spirits. And Steven wants you to know that it was his time to go and you are not to blame yourself. She asked if you would keep in touch with the family as much as you can. More so Nancy right now. Your Mom also wants you to know that Vicki is doing well and is constantly learning. Your Mom said that Vicki is a wonderful spirit and they are together watching over you a lot. She said just know we are there. And with that she left.

Then Vicki spoke up! She said that she wants me to tell you she also is very happy you applied for Social Security. She thinks this will be better for you and that maybe you can relax a little more now. One thing Vicki wants me to tell you is that she thinks that you should get started up with Senior Companion again. She thinks it would be good for you to be with your friends again, and that it would make you feel good. She said not to worry so much about Covid. She also said if you keep up with vaccinations you will be fine. She is very proud of you also cuz. Her words are this: "Baby, you are doing so well and I know it is hard without me, but baby I am with you always." "I see you and when you have your bad moments, my hand is on your left shoulder." She also says: "I know you can feel me and you can feel me in the spots that matter, and I know you can feel me laying beside you." She wants you to know that it will take some time before we can do a lot more, but just know I am always with you my love. So she says this and then I laugh. She said I want you to remember how we connected on the computer at first. So then she says, just make sure you carry a tablet with you! She said as soon as you are able to handle seeing her, she will come to you so you can see her and she makes the promise she will not scare you.

Going back to my Spiritual Cousin.  Earlier in this story I told you about her seeing me hugging the gravestone in the picture I erased.  In that same scene, she told me she saw Vicki and I in the sky together.  We were both smiling.  

I know my spiritual journey will continue.  But I am not out to explore it with anyone else except my Vicki.  I found my true love.  I shall read about Spiritual stories, and enjoy sharing with others.  But I want to center on living the human experience for now.  Because we are all spirits enjoying the human experience.  

My spiritual journey continues, and messages keep coming through from My Spiritual Cousin.  Back in the early 2000's and even after that, I explored Spiritual Chat rooms, as you've read about.  Here is someone I chatted with back in those days.  

“Well I am going to get right to it here. The name I was asking you about is Ariana and it is a Greek Name. Although many Americans now use the name. The reason I asked you about her is because I had a spirit come to me last night by that name. She says she knows you from a very long time ago. She said you two met in a chat room, but she does not say what chat room it was. She knows about you living in a tall building in a town with a funny name. That is the way she said it. She could not give me the name of the town but said it started with and E and was in the state of Michigan. She also said you live by lots of water with a pretty park. She also mentioned the island. But did not know the name of the Island. But she knew it was named after a man's name. She said she had been raped by someone in her country and you helped her through that. She said you were very sensitive and a very caring person. She just wanted to say thank you for helping her.

I told her I would ask you about her and also give you the message. I then told her to come back to me again or some other time when I am back in my apartment. She said she would. She did not seem willing to give out too much information right now. But when spirit is new to a person, it is that way at times. So think about it cuz! She came in the form of a very pretty girl. Dark hair, dark eyes, dark skin, and very much on the shy side. So I know all of this is kind of vague, but this is all I got. I hope she comes back when I get home so I can get more from her”

Vicki came to visit again on March 11, 2023. My Spiritual Cousin had a visit from her and this is it.  

 Last night I just got in bed and it was around 11:00 PM. Just getting very comfortable, and all of sudden I hear Vicki come in spirit. She asked if she was coming at a bad time. I said no, of course not. I told her she was welcome at any time. So she sat in the same place she did last time. She sat to the left of me on my bed.

She said she was so sorry for leaving so fast last time, but she said she got here and then was being paged away. I told her that was not a problem at all and no need for the apology.

She said she has been by your side and also that she has been doing better at letting herself be known to Bud at night. She said she still has some to learn about that, but to tell Bud that he may have some wild nights ahead. And then she said that Willie and Millie will meet again.

Then she went to say that she has been by your side and she heard you asking me to ask her about your birthday gift that she never got a chance to order. She said "That Little Bugger!" and then she chuckled. She said that is the Little Boy inside of the man that I love. She said that I should tell you that it is something you already bought, but you did not have at the time. She said Karen, it was Mic. She said the other one was not good at all, and sometimes you two had a hard time hearing one another. And also that sometimes it would cut out. So she said I never got a chance to order but I was going to get him a Mic. And a much better one then the one he had. She said I would have ordered it off of Amazon and had it sent directly to him. Then she said but I am so glad he went out and bought a new one. She said it made her very happy. She said the one you got is a great mic. and she likes the way it works. She said to tell you that at times she is still standing on the left side of you. Also she said to pay attention to the feelings that are going on in your body and you will know I am there. She said she is touching somewhere special. And I am sure he can feel it. She said she is getting better, but wants to take it much further. She said to me at that point, "Karen you know what I mean right, because of you and Cal. I said I sure do. She smiled!

She also wants you to know that she is on a higher plane then she was when she first got to the other side, and know that she has some experience, you will also feel her there while you are just going about your everyday activities. Then she started to laugh and say tablet!

Cuz I hope you do not mind, but I told her that you know she is there and also that you can feel her more by your side. She wants you to know just how happy she is there. She also added this cuz. She said she did not suffer in death. She said it was just like walking into another room. She said how beautiful it is there. She said Karen, you died once and were sent back, so you know what it is like here. She also wants you to know that if you think the music on earth is great, then wait till you hear this. I told her oh I can relate.

At this point she said she had to go and want me to tell you how much she loves you! She also asked if I would ask you one other thing. Do you feel someone blowing very lightly on your neck? On the left side of your neck right near your ear? And with that she was gone.

She ordered me a mic a couple years before, mainly because I was looking for one like my old one. But it wasn't the best for either of us on Skype. Recently on Pal Talk, when someone said they had to turn up the volume all the way just to hear me, and another one said they could hear me okay. I knew it was time to find another. This podcast one works perfect. Everyone hears me now.  

Anyone who knows me really well, knows I really do not like Doctors or Dentists.  With all the allergies being so bad this year, I realized one of my teeth were aching.  Luckily the pain isn't as bad. But soon, I will have to see the Dentist, and have one or more pulled.  Vicki, from the Spirit World knows what I am going through.  And came to my Spiritual Cousin with this message.  

Vicki came to me at 2:45 AM, March 2, 2023. She wanted me to give the following messages.

Vicki knows you are having trouble with a toothache. She does not want to see you suffer and wants you to go in tomorrow and get it taken care of if you can. She said she understands that you are scared and knows your fears. She said to please tell Bud I will be with him when he does decide to go. I will be with him the whole time. I will be with him when he is getting ready. I will be with him when he is walking or riding over, and I will be with him the whole time he is in the dentist office. She wants you to only concentrate on her. Then she said something funny. She wants you to wear your big boy pants and to make sure there is room for her in them. She said she will make you relax by focusing on that one major part in your pants. She said it will really feel good, but not enough to make that something rise. She was kind of laughing. And it got me laughing cuz!

She also wanted you to know that her passing is making David take responsibility and he is growing. She also wants you to know that Lilly is doing well and that Lilly knows that I am with her always. David did find someone to watch Lilly that is responsible and treats her well. She also said Christy is back to doing her thing and is used to me not being around. Vicki thinks all will be fine in these areas.

She also wanted me to tell you that you cannot believe all of what you read about spirituality. Not everything in the books is true. You will find out when you are here on this side. Also time will show this to you.

She also wanted me to tell you that you are hearing her voice. She said this is taking some practice on her end, but it will take practice on your end also to recognize when she is calling to you. It was me several times. I could be in the music, but I could be just trying this at any time. Bud, I am trying to get your attention. Focus on me when you hear that next time. Talk to me, she said. But it will take more practice on my part and on your part. We will try again soon.

She ended by saying She Loves you very much and just to know and believe that I am always with you.

This part is for me:

She said she sees that I have been under a lot of stress of late. She said yes you know this veil is very thin and yes you can feel the energy of what is going on out in the world. She said the stress of it all is so understandable and this can not be helped. She said you were given a special gift in this life to be able to help people and to get messages to them from some of their loved ones that have passed over. Yes there are many that do not believe in the spiritual world. But, once you give them the message, whether it be written on paper, or verbally told to them, it will give them food for thought. Even if they are religious. So just continue what you are doing. You have been with spirit for many years now, and you know what is on this side. You passed and came here and you just were sent back because it was not your time. You were kept there on earth for a reason and you may not know the total reason, and will not know till on this side, but just do the best you can and know that you are doing what you were meant to do. She said without you, I could not get these messages to Bud. So know and hear this. You are doing what you are meant to do on this journey of yours. She also said Thank you for giving messages to Bud for me. I told her it was my pleasure. And I thanked her for trusting me enough to come to me and give messages for Bud .

With that she left.

My Spiritual Cousin went on to say this: "This is just something I am adding here. I know that she will be back with many more messages for you. Cuz, that makes me very happy. Because I know that I have been able to help you through this. So Thank you for just taking these messages. It feels so good when someone like yourself will take them and know that they are being given in good faith.

Cuz I love our friendship a lot and I love you as my friend and hope we have this friendship connection for the time you and I are here on this earth." 

One night around April 15th, I heard whistling. It was in my apartment, not in the hallway, and not coming from my neighbor's or outside. I knew it had to be Spirit, but couldn't tell if it was male or female. I was just walking to the kitchen and was by where I keep my bike when I heard it.

I told Karen at the time about it, and she told me she heard it too, and could not make out the gender or who it was. She told me later, that she would let me know if she found out anything on who it was. We did both kind of guess that it could have been Vicki.

Vicki came to visit my Spiritual Cousin at around 5 AM Friday Morning on April 28, 2023, while she was in Zion.

Oh Cuz, what a wonderful visit from your Twin Flame last night. Her energy was so colorful and vibrant and at a very high level, that it was sometimes hard to look at. I knew she was happy from the minute she came here. I could feel that energy. I know what you're feeling.

First of all Cuz, Vicki said it was her whistling in our apartments. She said the reason is just to see if you would hear it and respond and know it was her. She came to me whistling just so that I could tell you I heard it and for you to know that it was her. She wants you to know that she is there at that precise moment. And she wants you to keep your ear open for it. It will be her clue as to when she is looking for you. And she said when Millie wants Willie. She knows I know what that is and said it is fine. I did chuckle at that Cuz.

She wants us to know that My Spiritual Cousin's Twin Flame has been guiding her along in some areas of love making from beyond. She said she is getting so much better at it and that you are getting better at opening up to her from the spirit world. She also said there is much more to come your way in the love making department. And she wants you to be ready for her. Because she will not wait long. She is learning for you to feel that touch even more than you ever did, and also the next thing she will be working on, is learning and teaching you to fly with her in another dimension as Twin Flames. She will teach you how to let go to get to that level.

She said she misses you so much, but is doing good work where she is. She has now met most of your family that has passed before you. She wants you to know that Terry is so happy there and he is also doing fantastic work and has learned a lot there. She said he has turned out to be a great student. And Clyde who was so stubborn, is now happy as can be.

Vicki said that Clyde has tried to get through to Nancy, but Nancy is resisting. And he is going to keep working on that. But Vicki wants you to leave it between Clyde and Nancy. Vicki seems to think Nancy will come around. Nancy holds a grudge she says, but as time goes on will let it go.

She wanted me to tell you that she has visited in spirit to spirit with your Dad. Your Dad had many regrets for his drinking, but now knows that it was a human mistake, and also that he did make many mistakes. But Vicki said she also knows that he is one wonderful man. She said we all learn over here. And we have to, just to be here! And we have to go back at some point to the people we hurt. So she said your Dad is near you always and has tried to get through also. Vicki wants to know if you ever hear tapping? She said that is your Dad. She wants to know if he did that during his life. Nervous habits in life maybe.

Vicki said she is working on you to be able to open up more and more and not to be scared as to what will come to you in spirit. It will only be good, she said. But she said I am going to be selfish. Me first!

She wants you to know that the tingling you feel up your spine has always been her, but she wants you to feel so much more and feels she is finally learning.

She also told me that she loves the idea of what you are doing with the poems. But she said not to spend too much time reading them. She said they will make you cry, and that it is okay to cry every now and then, but wants you to focus on her spirit rather than wanting the human side back.

She did give me a message also cuz. She told me that my Twin Flame is such a lovely spirit and she likes his help so that my man, meaning you of course, can feel me more and more. She said, you and your Twin Flame have had lots of practice and that someday Bud and I will be able to do these things. She told me to enjoy my Twin Flame as much as I can. I told her I do all the time. It is what gets me through.

With that she left.

This is from me. It never ceases to amaze me how wonderful the spirits coming to me can be. They come, they give their messages, and I in turn give them to all that I have to. Sometimes not easy, but learning more as time goes on. But let me say this one thing before I cut off here. I have never ever seen a spirit shine so bright as I saw Vicki last night. Yes, my Twin Flame, but that is normal for me, but others, no. So it was great to see!

On the evening of May 6, 2023 I had a very special visit from Vicki.  Love very sensual, made me feels so wonderful.  Later in the early morning of May 7, Vicki visited my Spiritual Cousin.

I was not sleeping well and Vicki had come earlier in the evening, and I asked her to please come back and she said she would. And she did.

She came around six this morning and told me she had been with you. Cuz she said things are heating up and getting better, but she wants for you not to move. She said you may not think that things are just as good as when you left or changed positions by moving elsewhere, but they are not and could be so much stronger if you would just stay put. She said if you want to move, then do it when you feel the energy up and down your back.

She wants to try again in a day or two. She said she would be back and you best be ready for her. She is learning new tricks. Her words not mine. She loves you cuz, and just wants to please you even more. But she wants for you to feel her also.  

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On Saturday May 20, 2023 at 5:35 AM Vicki gave my Spiritual Cousin a message.

Vicki came to me in the early morning hours. It was around 5:25 AM. She has several messages for you.

First she said she is so happy to hear that you will be going back and trying the Senior Companion Program again. She feels it is such a good place for you and glad you are starting out slowly to get used to it again. She is sure that you are going to do well and she is happy you will add another day in time. She wants you to know that she thinks you belong back there with your friends. Also she told me that your Mom is also very happy to hear you are going back and trying again. They are both very proud of you Cuz!

Vicki said she was glad also that you went to visit your brother Terry at the cemetery. She wants you to know he is just as happy as can be where he is and is doing very good work as a spirit. She said he was never happy on earth, and is so happy now and he is where he belongs. But she said you need to take care of your feet when you are going to be on them more.

Vicki also said she is very happy to hear that you are now working with the Class reunion and taking part in the organization. She said the poem you wrote for those who have passed is one of your better poems. Of course she said the ones you wrote for me were better.

She said that she is happy you posted some of the things that she sent to you while here on this earth. She said she saw those posts.

Your Mom and Vicki are happy to see that you are still going over to Nancy's and they know it is making her happy as well as you.

Vicki said she is still learning a lot there and has been so busy, but she never stops checking on you or being with you. She said she is always laying beside you in bed, and when you are on the computer or reading she is always watching you. She said she still tries many times to get your attention while you are at the computer.  She wants to know if you can feel her moving or tugging at the blankets on your bed? She said she is always working on new ways to get your attention and she wants you to be very aware of it all. She wants you to verbally say something why you know she is near.

 She also asked if you can hear cans moving in the garbage container. She said she has done that several times in hopes you would know she was there. Vicki knows you miss her, but says she is glad she has someone she can visit in spirit to get messages to you.

Oh and she said you are her handsome man with that new hair cut of yours. She likes it!

She wants you also to know how good it feels not to have no pain no more and how she just loves what she is doing to help others. She said that you and her will be together again but not for some time yet. So she said you and her would just keep loving each other from a distance. She said nothing has changed from the way it was before. She said you two are still of one body in spirit and will always be. She wants me to tell you how much she loves you Cuz, and to tell you that her love for you will never ever change.

And then she left cuz. I wrote her message down and then went back to sleep. Gosh her energy is just amazing cuz.  

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Last night (Tuesday June 27, 2023) was another busy night for me with spirit. The beginning of the night I slept really well. Then the spirits started coming. Vicki was first. She came around 3:10 AM. She sat right on the edge of my bed and for some reason came in the image of her body. It was rather nice to see her. The last two times she had not come in body form and just was in spirit.

She wants you to know that she is so happy to know you are going back to work for the Senior Companion Program this week. She said it was a great idea to start off in one place and then to continue on from there. She said she also thinks you will feel right at home again in time. Sure the people will be new ones, and she said you will make new friends. She feels it will not be long and you will take on another day over at Northwoods or Lakeview. Vicki said she does not like the idea that Lakeview is that far away but said if you like working at Lakeview then you should take a day at Northwoods or Lakeview when you are ready. She said she will be right by your side.

She also came to get something off of her mind to me and to you. She said I made many mistakes. She wants you to know that she lied and was Jealous. You two had a close bond and I thought there was more to it than what was. And was I wrong to feel that way Bud! I was so afraid of losing you to another woman because I could not be there with you. Vicki put her hand on my shoulder and I could feel it. She said she was so sorry. And said that she did came to you in a dream last night. And that was her way of saying she was sorry. Cuz, you told me about the dream but really did not tell me the whole thing. But it sounds like Vicki came to you to just say she loves you and she is sorry.

Vicki said that she also wants you to know that she is so happy where she is. She said she feels free and she is so busy helping others and will have more responsibility after she gets her own work done. She said she has other people she must go to and apologize for things she did wrong in her life. But she said it is something we will all have to do when we get here. There is no punishment for mistakes made on earth, but only you need to make right either before you leave earth, or after you arrive here. If you do not do it then you just not go on any further and you are stuck where you are.

She wants you also to know that she has been by your side and loves being out at the island with you. She knows you can feel her. She also is so glad that you are reading the books that the two of you never got a chance to finish.

She said that you are the best thing that ever happened to her in life. She said you helped her through such rough times, and that without you she thinks she would have passed sooner. And she is so grateful to you.

She also said that to look closer at Peter Allen's family. She said the connection is with the child. That is all she said.

She also said in life we love and in spirit we fly and love even more.

With that she left and said she would be back in the future. She said to tell Bud I love him.

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Vicki came to me during the day on Tuesday, October 31st on Halloween. The first thing she said was Happy Halloween to her man. She said she knew you were out taking pictures of all the little ones trick or treating. She said she always enjoyed the pictures of all the kids. She hoped you had fun.

She was telling me how happy she is over on the other side. She said her training is still going on and a lot to amend. But she said she doesn't mind that at all. Because she said every time she makes amends with someone here on earth, her spirit gets stronger and so very happy. Cuz I can feel that from her. It is the same Vicki, but someone who is so light without all the guilt and that happiness shines through. Such a difference of the way it was. When she first passed and her spirit would come, there was confusion at first. But as time went on that confusion was all lifted and nothing but pure joy when she came to me in spirit.

Vicki wants you to know that YES it was her in your dream. She said she has been coming to your dreams often. But she was so happy to know that you figured out it was her at the class reunion. And she was so happy you could feel it. She said you may not be able to see me in spirit form, but you now can feel me. And she wants you just to keep on watching them dreams, because she said she will be back. And also you will know that feeling right away and will not even have to think about it. She said she knows you feel her when she comes to you in the morning or sometimes during the day and willy is alert. She chuckled. But she is now training you to feel her in dreams. She said I will always touch your shoulder and you will know right away it is me. She said she loves you so much and the touch you felt in the dream will only get stronger. So get to know that touch Cuz, because at some point you will feel it more during the daytime hours as well as in your dreams.

She also said she was very happy to hear that you went and got a flu shot and a Covid shot. But she said when you got the RSV she was ecstatic. She could not believe you did that. She said I am so proud of you Bud. Now she said that will keep you safe for the winter months. Then she said but for next year think about getting the Shingles Vaccination. I started to laugh here and said to Vicki, do not get to be pushy. LOL She laughed.

Vicki said she saw that you got cut on a glass and that she said you need not hold the glass so tight. She does not want to see you cut at all. So she said to take frustrations out on something else that is safe like a pillow. Again she chuckled.

She also said she likes her handsome man's haircut. She agreed with me and said it makes you look a lot younger.

She also wants to know if when in your apartment, if you ever get a smell of something sweet just know it is me.

She also said that you can always type her a message on your tablet or computer and she will see it, but cannot answer you back. She said you just have to trust that I will see it.

Bud, I am always near you and will always be there for you when you need me. That is all you have to do is think of me and know I will be there. This was Vicki talking to you Cuz.

She said I was right when I saw her face in the picture of you reading to her. She said she wants you to know that Karen is great at picking up spirit and can see things that some will not see. She knows I am with you always.

She also wants to say thank you for putting the post up on facebook of our love for one another. Vicki said that makes her very happy. And also she said when you read, just think of her and read to me once again. I will be there.

She also said she is so happy that you and Nancy have become so close and that you are enjoying each other's company. She said I know I have said it before, but it is worth repeating. She also said that it makes your Mom very happy.

She said as far as your brother pushing you for an answer about us, just tell him it was our love and we were very much in love and happy. We chose to have an online spirit relationship, and it made the two of us very happy. Then you look him straight in the eye, and tell him that the subject is no longer up for discussion. Bud, we may have had our differences, but you made me so happy. That was the happiest I had ever been in my life.

She also wants you to know that her spirit and Stephens, Bob's and Loretta's Spirit are all in tune and they are all fine and so very happy. She said Loretta watches over you also. She also said that Stephen is so happy to be able to be where he is and always says it was the best thing that could have happened. Vicki also said that Bob, and Stephen are no longer tied to the bed or the chair. Their spirits are free and they fly so high.

Vicki also wants you to know that your Mom and her are very close, and their vibrations are right on with one another. Your Mom here is so loving and kind to me.

She also said she wants us to take care of one another and just be there for each other. She said no more arguing, just do the best we can with every day we have.

One more thing she said before she left. She said you need to do what you think is best for the nursing home and covid. If you do not feel comfortable going, then she said do not. But then she said not to feel guilty about it either. She said it is kind of like this: She said John was my mask and I just could no longer wear it because I could not breathe with him in my life. I had to break free from the mask. It may not have been the best way for you and I, but she said I am freeeeee! And she said I can still be with you Bud in spirit. Just like in our long distance relationship. So she said if you can not wear that mask then break free from it and just do not go back for a while. If there is another place you can go that does not have Covid or masks, then go there. Maybe another client in their home. Do what makes you feel comfortable. And like Karen said, your health comes first.

With that she said she had to go, but she said to tell you that she loves you and she will always be with you and in your heart.    

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This visit happened December 9, 2023. Vicki's visit with my Spiritual Cousin.

Vicki came to me last night while I was watching TV in the recliner. I turned the TV off so I could concentrate on what she was telling me and to write things down just the way she said them.

The reason Vicki kept coming to me over and over again, was to see if I was feeling well enough to take a message. First she just wanted to see how I was, but later she came because she already knew that Dottie had passed. Vicki wants you to know that her family was there to greet her. Vicki said she got a chance to greet her also, but left her in great hands with family members. She said there will be time to get to know her spirit later. She wants you to know that she looks forward to that. She also said that Dottie had a big smile on her face when she arrived on the other side. She had been sickly and was just ready to go. She will have some work to do, but Vicki feels she will be fine.

Vicki said she wants you to know that she has been watching you during these holiday seasons down here on earth. She said she can see that you have purchased your Christmas Gifts and now are getting into the Christmas Spirit. She wants you to enjoy this Christmas with family and friends. She said she will be with you as much as possible during this Christmas season. She wants to be near Lilly a lot this year and also with Christy. Vicki said that Lilly knows I am with her and she can feel me there and communicate with me. She said that David is doing the best he can with all and she stands close to him. But she said "my dear man, I can be in many places at one time." And she will be there for you no matter where you are.

She said that over here, we all are always happy. She said think of a time when you were the happiest. She's now 50 times that and that is how it is here. No matter what I see on earth, It does not bother us and we are so happy.

She said she is working so hard to get to the next level of her spirit world. She has taken care of many things she has done wrong there on earth, and she is flying higher than ever. Vicki wants you to know that for every wrong she takes care of while there, she flies higher and higher. She said someday when you are here, you will be amazed. She said that you can not in your wildest dreams imagine what it is like on this side. The music that Karen talks about is something that you will love. I am now so free from any earthly pain.

She also said that she was with you in bed several nights back, and you knew she was there when morning came. She wants you to remember how it was when you made love over the internet and how the two of you flew so high together as Twin Flames. She said we can still do that. You just have to let your mind go and I will be there flying higher than you have flown. We do it now, but your mind will not yet let yourself go to that point. But fear not, because someday you will and it will not be too far off. She does not want to stress about it though, because it will just happen when it is ready to happen.

Vicki also said she wants you to work hard on yourself. She said you are doing good, but still have things to change in your life. She said only you know what those things are. She also wants you to open your mind to others. She said not to keep repeating the same mistakes like I did. Better for you to learn on earth.

She said that she now has spent some time with your Dad over there and your Auntie Fish. Also your Mom watches over you all the time and is looking in on you. She watches those dishes and she does make them rattle from time to time. Vicki said she made your broom fall over a couple of weeks back. She wanted to get your attention.

She sees that you are keeping her memory alive by your post of her and yourself. She enjoys that. But she also has another message here for you. She said that in her past life here on earth, she was always jealous of you. And now she wants you to know that if you find someone else you can love here on earth, then she does not want you to hesitate. I want you to be happy while on earth. So if you should find someone else, then just go for it. I will still be here watching over you should you find another or not. She said, I have learned a great deal, Bud. And one of my biggest faults was being Jealous of you and all my past husbands in marriages. Well this is no more. And that was a part of my education here in the spirit world. I only want to see you happy!

She also sees that you are still spending time with Nancy and thinks it is great. But remember all of your friends and family. And try your best to stay in contact with them all. Family is important and is one of the better things you have on earth. Once you get here we are all family and spirits get to know all spirits. But it takes time. So do the best you can on earth, because everyone's time on earth is so short.

She also said she has watched while you have been playing dice. She said she sat in your lap a couple of times. And she said you know when that was.

She is also glad that you have some projects to keep you busy during the winter months. She said you always did like projects for winter months and says this is the best thing for you.

She wants you to keep reading to her. She is there when you are reading, and should you read to her in your mind or out loud, she said she can hear you. Just know Bud that I am always near you. And trust your spiritual Cousin when she says she can see me, because she can.

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On April 12, 2024 my Spiritual Cousin had another visit from my dearest Love, Vicki

Vicki was the happiest I have ever seen her Cuz. She is now done with her own personal healing and on to helping many others, and wants you to know that is why she has not been around much.

Vicki says she is so proud of you because you now know when she is visiting you. She said Bud, you may not see me, but you can feel it and I know you can. She said that is good enough for her. She wants you to know that she has been playing with your electronics and for you not to worry about anything being broken. It is just me she said, having some fun and keeping an eye on you. She said If you find things lying around that do not belong there, it is me. Cuz, right away I thought of the screw on the floor. The one you told me about today. LOL! She also said she has rattled your door more than one time and she moved the latch to open the door a couple of times.

She said Bud, I am also with you in your bed. Maybe not every night, but she said more than once I have been there lying beside you. She said you felt it.

She also wants you to know that she knows about the baby Ronan. She is so happy for your family, and thinks there is nothing better than new life. She said it will be a great thing for John and Terry. Vicki said here where I am things happen every time there is new life being born into the world. We all know about it up here, and it is celebrated. I asked her how it was celebrated. Vicki then told me she could not share that information with me and told me that I will know once I am on the other side. She said you will hear the music Karen.

Vicki said she is so happy you continue to go see Nancy when you can and thinks the thing with Cheryl will work out at some point. Even if it is on this side Bud. She said she sees Nancy as being a little happier since you've been going over to play games with her and visiting. She said that Nancy looks forward to that. She also said that there are things that Nancy thinks and does not say to you, but that Nancy is proud of her brother.

She also wants to bring up Linda. She knows about your friendship going on and thinks it is great. She wants you to just let it flow. But I am so happy you two have gotten the friendship back and think it is good for you. She said I see Karen is talking with Linda also and I think that is good for Karen and good for Linda. I thanked her. She wants you to know that she made a big mistake in being jealous of her, and had no reason to be. But she said I am so far beyond all of that now. I only want the best for my man. But she also said that until you find someone else, Millie is always ready for Willy. As Karen blushes. LOL! I said to Vicki, hey, get a room somewhere OK. She said I no longer need a room. I was laughing my but off.

Vicki said she is so happy to see Spring coming back to Esky and sees that you have already been out to the island. She loved the video that you made. She enjoyed it.

Vicki was also with you when you went to the STYX concert and was going to bat a couple of heads for you. But she said I can not do that. I have to be very good up here. No misbehaving! LOL She is laughing here cuz. She was glad you and Steve enjoyed it all.

She also said she sees that you continue to play dice with a group at night from the Harbor Tower. She said some may get mad at the rules, but they will get over it and for you to stick to your guns on that.

She also wants you to know that she knew you were sick with the flu. She wants to remember that when you are sick like that, she is always near you. And she is holding onto you. So please trust in that.

She also said she sees how hard you work to keep your temper under control and she is very proud of you for that. She said, remember some of the fights we had. She said OMG they were so bad and she said she was so stubborn. But she said she has learned so much where she is.

She wants you just to try to enjoy the days you have left and if there is anything on earth that you know that you need to amend, then please do it before you leave earth and come here. She said it has been very hard, but at the same time is utterly happy.

She also said sometimes she sees you cry, and said this: Bud do not cry because now I am where I should be, and you are where you should be and someday we will all be together again.

She wants us to remain close as cousins and never let that drift apart.

She said at that point she was being called away and she faded into the spirit world.

Cuz this is just me talking now. I can not get over how happy she is compared to the person that was on this earth. Also how much she grew in wisdom and is now so able to help many others. She also told me that if I ever need someone to help get someone over into the spirit world that is lost, and I cannot reach Cal, she could also help. With that I said thanks and I will do that.

*Cal is my Cousin's Dear Love, who passed many years ago

OK that is the end of the visit cuz.

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